WACAP is seeking adoptive families for five toddler girls in their Special Focus group. Consideration will be given to families who might need additional exceptions in order to qualify to adopt from China.
For more information, visit our Children Who Wait page.
Showing posts with label waiting children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting children. Show all posts
October 5, 2011
January 21, 2011
Sink or Swim
Our daughter Ping has Spina Bifida. Normally her Special Need doesn't impact her day to day activities. There have been the odd emergency trip to the Spina Bifida Clinic... and the numerous check ups, and test, and MRIs, and neurology type things... but other than that... her Spina Bifida has not been on the forefront of our minds.
Her Spina Bifida affects some of our decisions of course... we learned the hard way that slapping her on a thin sheet of plastic and sending her shooting down a steep 40 foot hill covered in a thin layer of snow and ice with no protection for her massive head and back was, for lack of a better description, a "poor parenting choice". Huh, who knew. Go figure.
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Getting ready for our 1st Swim |
Anyway, one of the physical activities which she enjoys (and is good for her Special Need) is Swimming. It is a great way for children with Spina Bifida to get physical activity with low risk of injury, and it is something which can help their mobility and strengthen their core muscles... and it can help attachment issues. :-)
Lets travel back to Nov 2009 - courtesy of the Yeti Way Back Time Machine(tm)
Me: Why is she still glaring at me?
Wife: She just doesn't trust you yet.
Me: Really? Why not? She's been with us for like, 36 hours. You think she would be OK with me by now.
Wife: Ya, you'd think that. I think you still scare her. She doesn't seem to like your hair.
Me: No, thats not it. Its cuz you gave her the sucker when we 1st met her. I only had Cheerios for her.
Wife: Right. 4 years of "life" and "memories" are replaced instantly by 1 sucker. It couldn't be that she is scared, terrified, and being chased by some huge lumbering hairy white man.
Me: I'm pretty sure it's the sucker.
Wife: You are such a moron...
Me: Wait! She's looking at me! She's gonna say something!
Ping: 你带我回家大吓人的雪人。你吓我，我恨你。
Wife: Do you think that was a happy thing she said?
Me: Ummmm, no.
Wife: Look, she will love you - she just needs to trust you. Oh! Take her swimming!
Me: Really? You think thats a good idea?
Wife: Oh yea! It will be brilliant! She will be forced to hold onto you! If she lets go, she will drown. It will force her to bond with you.
Me: Uh, I'm not sure that putting our newly adopted child into a life or death situation where she will be torn between the complete and abject fear of me and the troubling sensation of drowning is really the best way to create a wonderful loving bonding moment. I'm not sure that will foster the spirit of trust and love of which we are seeking. I'm pretty sure you can't force bonding...
Wife: Oh what do you know about adopted children! You didn't even read the books about attachment disorders!
Me: Okay, we'll try it your way. I'm sure it will be great.
Ping: 可有人递给我一刀子，所以我可以杀死雪人？
So me, our 10 year old son K and Ping all go to the swimming pool. After the very confusing "swimming cap" experience, we find ourselves in the pool... which (un)fortunately did not have a shallow end. It looks like my wifes cunning plan is going to work.
Me: Ping Ping, come here! Come to Ba ba! I'll hold you in the water!
Ping: 没有来
Me: Look, water! Swim?
Ping: 我会杀了你，你的立场
Me: Alright, Ba ba is going to pick you up, and put you in the water now.
So, with her in my arms, facing out from me, we slipped into the water - and for 42 seconds, she clung to my arm while we started wading though the water. Her little face lit up with a wide smile as she splashed her little delicate hands and feet in the water and giggled with joy!
It was around the 43rd second mark where she glanced over her shoulder and was reminded that I was holding her...
Ping: 让我走
Me: I can't let you go baby. You will sink.
Ping: 让我走!
Me: I can't put you down! You can't touch the bottom.
Ping: 让我走! 让我走!
Me: Okay... I'll put you down.
It is around this time, as her little face slipped slowly below the surface of the water that I realized a couple of things...
- she wasn't reaching up for help, she made her decision - drowning was better than reaching out and taking my hand for help
- she has a bit of a stubborn streak to her
- maybe this attachment thing is going to take more than 36 hours
- those stupid swim caps are really uncomfortable
I reached into the water, took her gently under the arms and lifted her out of the water. Thinking "surely now she realizes that she can not touch the bottom, that she needs me, that she will happily stay in my arms now and hold onto me and let me help her". Boy... was I wrong...
Ping: 让我走!!!
Me: Really?! You still want down? Didn't you notice you just about drowned?
Ping: 让我走!!!
Me: Okay, here we go again...
And once more, my daughters beautiful face slipped silently below the surface... I did get to hold her, eventually. She stopped fighting me and let me lead her around the pool and had fun splashing her big brother. :-)
Me: Hey, we're back!
Wife: How was swimming?
Me: Oh great. It went really well.
Wife: See, I told you it would work! And what are you wearing on your head?
Me: Swimming cap. Apparently, you need them if you want to swim in China.
Wife: Good to know.
Me: Yea. Hey, quick question. If you had to choose between drowning and being stuck with me... what would you choose?
Wife: She will love you. Eventually.
Me: She would love me quicker if I gave her the sucker.
November 28, 2010
Let's Talk About Labels
Every month the excitement quickens.
Every month the chatter on groups and the *official* website for all things China adoption takes on a new level.
Every month a few announce their joyous news for a referral of a child from the shared list. And that never gets old: to know a child who was once an orphan now has a family ready and willing to bring him or her home as soon as the paperwork trail is traversed.
Every month people express disappointment that more *matches* are not made. Some even express disappointment at the lack of young girls' files released or at the magnitude of needs for those whose files are released.
And every month ... every month thousands of children continue to wait for their turn.
Every month the same children wait and wait and wait.
Many of those children are listed with multiple needs. Many of those children are boys. Many of those children are girls older than three. Many of those children have more than one listed need.
And the questions are valid: Do they have syndromes? Do they have a chance for a *normal* life? Do they have a chance to have a *normal* lifespan?
Unfortunately I suppose those are not really questions that can often be answered. At least not from the other side of the world.
Here is the thing though.
We are talking about children.
Not an order we place.
Or even the perfect match.
Does anyone else feel a bit or even a lot uncomfortable with the use of the word *match* when it comes to the lists of children available and the referral of children. I much prefer the word referral not that my opinion matters. It is just that the word match conveys all sorts of things in my mind at least. Things I'd rather not have conveyed in my mind.
I mean, we are talking about children.
I know I already said that, but you see I have three children who were adopted and they don't fit the most desired criteria. Or even the manageable or moderate categories really. And they certainly came with way too many labels for many people to even take a second glance. And not many people would even consider looking at their files. Because of the labels.
And yet they are the most wonderful children and they really are a blessing. I just don't see them as a burden or as the potential to be a burden or ...
Less than.
But I have come to terms with the fact that many people do.
Even in the adoption world.
See many children waiting on the lists right now as less than. Many of those children have the SAME needs listed that my children did.
Complex heart disease, unrepaired.
Unrepaired cleft lip and palate.
BOY.
10 years old.
CHD, repaired, CL/CP, unrepaired.
And the list goes on and on and on. So many children with those needs who wait and wait and wait.
Our daughter. Adopted with unrepaired complex heart disease and unrepaired cleft lip and palate at 3 years old. She was born with transposition of the great arteries and one ventricle in her heart among other defects. And she was also born with cleft lip and palate. And she was waiting at 2 1/2 years old with all of these needs having never been repaired in any way. And she weighed 18 pounds and her eyes are assymetrical and her fingers were clubbed. And her head didn't fit very well on the growth chart. And she may not have a long life.
Our youngest son. Adopted with repaired heart disease and repaired cleft lip and palate at 5 years old. Born with tetralogy of falot, preemie weight, with cleft lip and palate. Listed for adoption at two years old after receiving open-heart surgery and cleft lip surgery in China. After visiting missionaries pleaded with his SWI to put him on the list for adoption persuading them someone would want him. As his paperwork became older and older, he continued to wait with so many labels and so many unknowns. So many questions no one could answer. Turning three years old, then four years old. Still waiting. Oh and did I mention ... a boy. Not a girl. And his age. And his head measured small and so many markers for a syndrome. And the life span question. No guarantees there.
Our second oldest son. Adopted with repaired heart disease at 10 years old. Listed at eight years old. A special need in and of itself. A BOY. Still listed at nine years old. And with unrepaired heart disease. What about damage to his lungs? Or about the possibility he was abused? Or the fact he is a boy and not a girl? And he was nine years old. And still had unrepaired heart disease.
Too much.
Too much risk.
Too much at stake.
Too much time.
Too little time.
Too much unknown.
Too much lost.
Too much left unanswered.
Too much.
Too old.
Too risky.
Too major.
Too complicated.
Too much.
On the other hand.
Our children are WHOLE people who bless our lives and our family and who are just as normal as the next child.
Our Second Oldest Son. Today.
Our Youngest Son. Today.
Our Daughter. Today.
Every month the chatter on groups and the *official* website for all things China adoption takes on a new level.
Every month a few announce their joyous news for a referral of a child from the shared list. And that never gets old: to know a child who was once an orphan now has a family ready and willing to bring him or her home as soon as the paperwork trail is traversed.
Every month people express disappointment that more *matches* are not made. Some even express disappointment at the lack of young girls' files released or at the magnitude of needs for those whose files are released.
And every month ... every month thousands of children continue to wait for their turn.
Every month the same children wait and wait and wait.
Many of those children are listed with multiple needs. Many of those children are boys. Many of those children are girls older than three. Many of those children have more than one listed need.
And the questions are valid: Do they have syndromes? Do they have a chance for a *normal* life? Do they have a chance to have a *normal* lifespan?
Unfortunately I suppose those are not really questions that can often be answered. At least not from the other side of the world.
Here is the thing though.
We are talking about children.
Not an order we place.
Or even the perfect match.
Does anyone else feel a bit or even a lot uncomfortable with the use of the word *match* when it comes to the lists of children available and the referral of children. I much prefer the word referral not that my opinion matters. It is just that the word match conveys all sorts of things in my mind at least. Things I'd rather not have conveyed in my mind.
I mean, we are talking about children.
I know I already said that, but you see I have three children who were adopted and they don't fit the most desired criteria. Or even the manageable or moderate categories really. And they certainly came with way too many labels for many people to even take a second glance. And not many people would even consider looking at their files. Because of the labels.
And yet they are the most wonderful children and they really are a blessing. I just don't see them as a burden or as the potential to be a burden or ...
Less than.
But I have come to terms with the fact that many people do.
Even in the adoption world.
See many children waiting on the lists right now as less than. Many of those children have the SAME needs listed that my children did.
Complex heart disease, unrepaired.
Unrepaired cleft lip and palate.
BOY.
10 years old.
CHD, repaired, CL/CP, unrepaired.
And the list goes on and on and on. So many children with those needs who wait and wait and wait.
Our daughter. Adopted with unrepaired complex heart disease and unrepaired cleft lip and palate at 3 years old. She was born with transposition of the great arteries and one ventricle in her heart among other defects. And she was also born with cleft lip and palate. And she was waiting at 2 1/2 years old with all of these needs having never been repaired in any way. And she weighed 18 pounds and her eyes are assymetrical and her fingers were clubbed. And her head didn't fit very well on the growth chart. And she may not have a long life.
Our youngest son. Adopted with repaired heart disease and repaired cleft lip and palate at 5 years old. Born with tetralogy of falot, preemie weight, with cleft lip and palate. Listed for adoption at two years old after receiving open-heart surgery and cleft lip surgery in China. After visiting missionaries pleaded with his SWI to put him on the list for adoption persuading them someone would want him. As his paperwork became older and older, he continued to wait with so many labels and so many unknowns. So many questions no one could answer. Turning three years old, then four years old. Still waiting. Oh and did I mention ... a boy. Not a girl. And his age. And his head measured small and so many markers for a syndrome. And the life span question. No guarantees there.
Our second oldest son. Adopted with repaired heart disease at 10 years old. Listed at eight years old. A special need in and of itself. A BOY. Still listed at nine years old. And with unrepaired heart disease. What about damage to his lungs? Or about the possibility he was abused? Or the fact he is a boy and not a girl? And he was nine years old. And still had unrepaired heart disease.
Too much.
Too much risk.
Too much at stake.
Too much time.
Too little time.
Too much unknown.
Too much lost.
Too much left unanswered.
Too much.
Too old.
Too risky.
Too major.
Too complicated.
Too much.
On the other hand.
They give us hugs and kisses. In being their parents, we are given an incredible opportunity to place our faith in the Creator God over and over again to meet all of their needs and ours as we take care of them.
We have a different perspective than we did before on what really matters.
More appreciation of the here and now.
More respect for those who may not be *normal*.
More of an understanding that *normal* is all about one's perspective.
More children in our home to love and who love us back.
More blessings than we can count.
Yes, more doctor's appointments.
And more laundry.
More prayers.
More tears.
More food to purchase.
More smiles.
More laughter.
More people to tuck in one last time before I crawl into bed.
And did I mention more laundry?
And most of all, more and more thanksgiving.
That we did not see them as the many labels they had attached by their names.
Or by the ones that might apply to them once we got them home.
Thankful that instead we are their family.
Thankful to know that medical needs, syndromes, and physical limitations are in fact minor in comparison to the immeasurable holes in our hearts that each one of them has uniquely filled.
We have a different perspective than we did before on what really matters.
More appreciation of the here and now.
More respect for those who may not be *normal*.
More of an understanding that *normal* is all about one's perspective.
More children in our home to love and who love us back.
More blessings than we can count.
Yes, more doctor's appointments.
And more laundry.
More prayers.
More tears.
More food to purchase.
More smiles.
More laughter.
More people to tuck in one last time before I crawl into bed.
And did I mention more laundry?
And most of all, more and more thanksgiving.
That we did not see them as the many labels they had attached by their names.
Or by the ones that might apply to them once we got them home.
Thankful that instead we are their family.
Thankful to know that medical needs, syndromes, and physical limitations are in fact minor in comparison to the immeasurable holes in our hearts that each one of them has uniquely filled.
Our Second Oldest Son. Today.
Our Youngest Son. Today.
Our Daughter. Today.
If you are waiting for the perfect *match*, please consider that maybe your child is already waiting for you ... perhaps with a label attached.
April 23, 2010
Older Children Available on Shared List: Take a Peek!
Are you looking for your child? Have you considered an older child, between the ages of 7 and 13?
Here is the direct link to the blog of Pearl River Outreach. They are advocating for some very special children. This POST highlights SEVEN older children available for adoption NOW on the shared list. GO TAKE A LOOK (yes, you can see them). You may just find your child there. They are all beautiful.
Here is the direct link to the blog of Pearl River Outreach. They are advocating for some very special children. This POST highlights SEVEN older children available for adoption NOW on the shared list. GO TAKE A LOOK (yes, you can see them). You may just find your child there. They are all beautiful.
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