tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18128297458722920852024-03-13T13:42:49.820-07:00No Hands But Ours: the blogStefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.comBlogger471125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-33488870697526736692012-02-23T05:37:00.001-08:002012-02-23T05:38:20.439-08:00We've moved!Please come visit our new (and much improved) website <a href="http://www.nohandsbutours.com/blog/" target="rightside"><b>here</b></a>.
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<center><a href="http://nohandsbutours.com" target="self"><img alt="No Hands But Ours" src="http://i.imgur.com/RiRRf.jpg" /></a></center>
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Hope to see you <a href="http://www.nohandsbutours.com/blog/">there</a>!
<br></br>Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-19932098754157407892012-02-21T03:00:00.000-08:002012-02-21T03:00:07.559-08:00Trust and Pretty ShoesTrust is a funny thing. You kind of don't notice it, until it is gone... or was never there. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-u93Ji9dEU-g/Th75lO8V5zI/AAAAAAAAGJg/acL2ehSLkrU/s1600/CIMG0132.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-u93Ji9dEU-g/Th75lO8V5zI/AAAAAAAAGJg/acL2ehSLkrU/s320/CIMG0132.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think the sword and shield is the universal symbol for<br />
"I don't trust you yet!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Me:</b> Okay Ping, we have to run into my work for a second, then we will go home.<br />
<b>Ping:</b> Okay. Can I see where you work?<br />
<b>Me:</b> Of course. Here we are...<br />
<b>Ping:</b> Oooooh, you have a lot of computer.<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yes, yes I do.<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> Hello, you must be Ping!<br />
<b>Ping:</b> How you know my name?<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> Because your Daddy has told me all about you.<br />
<b>Ping:</b> What?! Are you joking me? <br />
<b>Me:</b> I talk about you all the time. I tell everyone how beautiful you are, and how nice...<br />
<b>Ping: </b> I KNOW you are joking me!<br />
<b>Me:</b> No really, I do.<br />
<b>Ping:</b> Uuuungh. Daaaaaad!<br />
<b>Me:</b> Okay, Ping, this is Daddy's friend Miss Y.<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> You have very pretty shoes.<br />
<b>Ping:</b> WhaaaAAAAaaaat?<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> I like your shoes.<br />
<b>Me:</b> Miss Y has a bit of a shoe problem. She has a whole drawer full of shoes!<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> WHAT?! I DO NOT!<br />
<b>Ping:</b> What? You joking me again?<br />
<b>Me:</b> Nope, look in the bottom drawer of her filing cabinet.<br />
<b>Ping:</b> <i>*looks at drawer*</i> That is a big drawer.<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yes it is. And it is FULL of shoes!<br />
<b>Ping:</b> <i>*looks at Miss Y*</i> Do you has shoes in dere?<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> No. No I do not.<br />
<b>Me:</b> Hey! You can't lie to a little child!<br />
<b>Ping:</b> My Daddy is joking me. Right?<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> Right. You are so smart!<br />
<b>Me:</b> Hey! Don't tell her I'm lying! You want my daughter to think I'm lying to her?!<br />
<b>Ping:</b> <i> *thinks hard, looks at me, looks at Miss Y*</i> You got shoes?<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> No.<br />
<b>Ping:</b> Daddy joking me, I know'd it!<br />
<b>Me:</b> <i> *siiiiigh*</i><br />
<br />
<i>... two weeks later while having breakfast ...</i><br />
<b>Ping:</b> Mommy, Daddy joked me.<br />
<b>Wife:</b> What?<br />
<b>Ping:</b> He say, his friend have shoes in drawer. But I know'd he joking me.<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ungh, its Miss Y at work. She has a drawer FULL of shoes, but she won't admit it to Ping. So Ping thinks I'm lying to her.<br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>... a while later ...</i><br />
<i>*ring* *ring* *ring*</i><br />
<b>Me:</b> Hello, you've reached the Yeti at work.<br />
<b>Wife:</b> Hey, we're just passing by and Big D needs the bathroom, can you let us in?<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yea sure. Is Ping there?<br />
<b>Wife:</b> Yea, why?<br />
<b>Me:</b> I want her to come in and see Miss Y's shoes.<br />
<b>Wife:</b> ... really?<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yes! She can't continue to think I'm lying to her!<br />
<b>Wife:</b> ... really?!<br />
<b>Me:</b> Okay, Miss Y, Ping is coming in a couple minutes. I need you to show her your shoes, because she thinks I'm lying to her... and that is not good. We don't need more attachment issues.<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> Oh fine. I'll show her.<br />
<i>*Ping comes bounding in*</i><br />
<b>Me:</b> Hey baby, look, do you remember Miss Y?<br />
<b>Ping:</b> Yes! You don't have any shoes in your drawer!<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> That's right! I have no shoes in my drawer!<br />
<b>Me: </b> What?! No shoes?! Ping, just go open the drawer, you will SEE them all!<br />
<b>Ping:</b> Daaaaaad, stop joking me. I go see Mom now. Bye.<br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>... a few weeks later ...</i><br />
<b>Me:</b> Hey Miss Y.<br />
<b>Co-Worker: </b> Hey, oh, hi Ping!<br />
<b>Ping: </b> Hi. Do you have shoes yet?<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> How do you remember that?<br />
<b>Me:</b> It is very important to her. You know, because she thinks I'm lying and all that.<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> Okay, Ping, come here. Look. <i>*she cracks open her drawer a little*</i><br />
<i>I'ts like in some cheesy movie where Pandora's box is opened - light comes streaming out of the drawer, illuminating both the girls faces...</i><br />
<b>Ping:</b> WAaaaaOOOOWWWW?! YOU HAVE SHOES IN YOUR DESK!<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> Shhhhhhhh!<br />
<b>Ping:</b> DADDY! YOU NO JOKING ME!<br />
<b>Me:</b> I told you I wasn't joking you.<br />
<b>Ping:</b> Can I see all your shoe?<br />
<b>Co-Worker:</b> Sure.<br />
<i>And the two girls spent the next 1/2 hour reviewing all 30 pairs of shoes, in the drawer, hidden under the desk, and behind the computers...</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
See, trust takes time. Love, you can't rush it, but you can help it along... maybe, after all,<a href="http://nohandscurrentinfo.blogspot.com/2010/09/way-with-da-ladies.html"> I know a thing or two about da ladies</a>. You can buy flowers, bring chocolates, stand out in the rain holding a ghetto blaster above your head while playing Extereme's "More Than Words" outside your beloved's window... ghetto blaster... no, it is a real word. It was something for playing music. Kind of like an iPod. But bigger. A LOT bigger. Yes, it was portable. You could put it on your shoulder. No, not your pocket. Yes, it had batteries. About 12 D-Cells. What's a D-Cell?! Oh c'mon! I'm not THAT old. Where was I?<br />
<br />
Oh yea, but back to trust, how do you help advance it? How can you build it? I'm not sure. I mean, I can be as steadfast in my love, and as trust-worthy as one can possibly be... but trust is really out of my hands.<br />
<br />
See, with the shoes, I was tell the bang on 100% truth.<br />
Ping, just simply did not want to believe me.<br />
There was nothing I could do to change her mind.<br />
<br />
In love, in attachment, I could have read any number of books... okay, I could have had my WIFE read any number of books, and there would bee different ways to address love and attachment. I'm sure there are ways to try to encourage the growth of trust as well... but I haven't read anything on it... or, my wife hasn't read anything on it and told me all about it.<br />
<br />
But what can you do for trust? I had thought of pointing out every trust worthy thing I did in a day...<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Hey Ping, remember when you were on the stairs, and I did NOT push you down them!? Yea, see, I'm trust worthy!</li>
<li>Ping, remember when you came home from school, and were banging on the door to let you in? Yea, I totally let you in. I didn't have to. But you can trust me. I opened the door.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.berzenji.com/2009/10/blog-post.html">I TOTALLY didn't eat your Skittles!</a> Your Mom did.</li>
<li>Remember when I said you were driving me crazy?! Well, look! I'm CRAZY!</li>
</ul>
<br />
Maybe that's a bad idea. Maybe trust is just something that grows with time. I can't force it. Goodness knows I want to. But each day, she trusts me more and more. I'll just keep bring trust worthy, and maybe she will eventually believe me... you know, over some total stranger that she just met like Miss Y.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lNPexGlmgFM/S06nRG6b-ZI/AAAAAAAADaU/Q5p-_CX3hs0/s1600/yeti.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lNPexGlmgFM/S06nRG6b-ZI/AAAAAAAADaU/Q5p-_CX3hs0/s320/yeti.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">What's not to trust?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
But in the end, I know it is hard for her to trust, it is hard for anyone to trust who has been hurt before - sometimes a "wounded" <a href="http://www.berzenji.com/2010/08/talk-nice.html">perspective</a> makes it hard to see how people may love you. So am I going to worry about it? <i>Nah.</i> Will it hurt when I can see it plain as day that she doesn't trust me? <i>Yup.</i> <br />
<br />
But then I'll choose to see past that, to adjust <b><i>MY</i></b> perspective to see where she can and will be able to trust me. <br />
<br />
Like when she gets scared at night, and calls out <i>"Daddy, I'm scared of the dark!"</i> - <b><i>trusting</i></b> that I will make it better. I just remembered, before I started this post, she was crying about the dark saying she was scared... a great opportunity to help her confront her fears head on, and help her over come them, to build that bridge of trust between us... or, I may have simply told her something along the lines of <b>"suck it up, you're fine! Get back to bed." </b><br />
<br />
Hmmmm... and I wonder why we have trust issues... just... can't... figure it out...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Adrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11365420448257625349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-41901843932753555682012-02-16T14:11:00.000-08:002012-02-16T14:11:21.010-08:00I am the AbductorThis might come off sounding awful,<br />
but here it goes.<br />
<br />
When my new daughter comes into my arms, {17 days from today!} I think it's ok if she cries.<br />
Screaming, wailing, flailing... it's all ok with me.<br />
And here's the awful part, part of me is hoping there will be "a reaction" or some kind. I'm secretly hoping for a big awful transition. Ya, that must sound awful. It feels awful too. <br />
You may have guessed that we hope that Mazie will be happy and smiling, and everything goes smoothly on that instant that she is passed to our arms.<br />
But we don't hope that at all.<br />
<br />
You see, we have a child that was passed into our arms that had no reaction at all to being passed to strangers. No crying, no fear, no shut down, no nothing. We were just another caregiver in what we assume was a long line of many. And we've seen how that affects a child's soul long term.<br />
<br />
Not that I <b>want </b>my child to suffer. I don't want Mazie to experience pain and sorrow and grief. But if I'm to be honest, not only do we hope she cries, but I hope she's scared. And frightened. And even terrified! Maybe so much so that she throws up, even on me. Or can't look at me. Or pees on me. Or kicks us and bites and tries to scratch our eyes out. It's totally ok with us, if she tries to run away. Or if she bangs against the hotel door, for hours and calls out the only woman she's ever known as mama. It's ok if she does it for hours and even days, and I think it's good and true for her to be able to process the feelings and emotions. I hope she has a reaction, any kind of reaction to what is happening to her.<br />
It'll be heart breaking to see.<br />
It'll be gut bewitching to watch this happen to our child.<br />
But these things are reactions that we can hope for, if our daughter is having a healthy reaction to what is happening to her. If she has had a healthy attachment to someone in her past, than these would all be normal reactions. And I have prayed every single day since I saw her face that she has had an attachment to someone... anyone.<br />
<br />
Let's take Trolley into the land of make believe.<br />
We have a 9-year-old son, Boo. He knows no other family. He only knows himself by the name we've given him. He lives in an American style home, wears American style clothes, and eats American style food. He's a pretty normal kid. (and pretty stinkin' handsome too if I don't say so myself, but let's not get sidetracked.)<br />
And let's pretend that one day, that I drive him to the county court house and <b>give </b>him to a wonderful loving couple from another country. {Yes, I said "give" him to someone else.} And maybe they give him a piece of candy and a toy to entice them to their arms. Surely I would cry as I handed off my child, that I have raised for years, to someone else. I would cry hard giving my boy to these strangers. But he didn't know any of this was going to happen! I didn't tell him! And it soon would become obvious to him that he is being <b>given away.</b> To them. To strangers. Forever. And away from the only family he has ever known. He would miss me. He would miss his family and his home. A lot! <i>Miss </i>doesn't even seem to be the right word for such a life-altering event.<br />
He would soon realize that he knows nothing about this new country, or its people or food or new family. He doesn't look anything like them. They have different skin and hair and clothes. They smell different. He doesn't speak or understand their language, or even know where it is or how he's going to get there. The food is weird and he gets hungry. He only knows that everything he now experiences in different. Every smell, and taste, and sight, and sound. And those loving strangers keep touching him. Maybe they are stroking his cheek or insisting on holding his hand or rubbing his back. Even his name has been changed to a new one that he's never heard of. Nothing at all is familiar anymore. Despite the fact that these hypothetical new mom and dad seem nice, it's all different, and it's very very scary for him. And he does this all this while grieving his old family and his mama and his papa that he soon realizes he will Never. Ever. See. Again. He remembers them. He can't stop looking for them. Or stop thinking about them. And on top of being terrified of it all, it breaks his heart.<br />
<br />
Lastly, take away all the ability for this child to process internally and rationally comprehend and communicate even to himself like a 9-year-old would... because the child is actually only 23 months old. Same feelings, same terror and panic about being <b>taken away</b>, and same memories about the love she once had for someone that is no longer there... but when you're a toddler none of it is processed with words and none of it can be explained. All she'll know is the moment she's in right then and right there. The overwhelming fear and the grief.<br />
<br />
This will be my daughter as we get her on March 4. I Simply. Can. Not. Imagine. the feelings she will have. She will be taken from her foster parents, the only mama and baba that she has known since she was days old, and driven 3 hours to our hotel. There she will be <b>given </b>to us. That word "give" seems so trite. Like it's candy or a handbag or even a puppy we're talking about. It's not.<br />
It's a person.<br />
A real live human being, one <b>person </b>being <b>given </b>to another.<br />
A person with<br />
a soul,<br />
and terror,<br />
and panic,<br />
and memories,<br />
and possibility for anything in her future.<br />
<br />
When this person, my daughter is given away, to us, I hope it rocks her world! And if that means that it rocks her world to the point that she is physically ill, then so be it. I'm fully prepared to accept it all. Or at least I'm trying to be. I'm praying like mad that she has attached so well to her foster parents that this transition to us will be momentous.<br />
I'm praying to be prepared to be hit and pinched and bit.<br />
Prepared for screaming.<br />
Prepared for nightmares.<br />
Prepared for rage and overwhelming depression in a toddler.<br />
Prepared for terror in the eyes of a 2 year old being taken from everything that she knows and love.<br />
<br />
And I'm prepared be the abductor.<br />
<br />
Until the love can shine through.<br />
<br />
This is Jude just a less than 5 minutes after he was placed in my arms, September 1, 2008.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xkBQ2eKH7hE/TznfQtkwdcI/AAAAAAAADY4/NRX1ok_z8yE/s400/Jude,+Sept+1,+2008.jpg" width="400" /></div>It's with a bitter sweet heart that I look forward to this fast-approaching day of giving and receiving. I'm so anxious to wrap my arms around her, to claim her {as nobody has done before}as my daughter once and forever, to plant my kisses on her cheeks, and feel the warmth of her head in the crook of my neck. I want to touch her skin and feel her hand in mine. But I <strike>don't want to</strike> <strike>won't</strike> will try really hard not to exacerbate her fear for my own peace. A peace she will be so so very far from in those moments.<br />
It will be a fine line of offering our love and not scaring her further.<br />
<br />
I pray we navigate this line well enough for her.<br />
<br />
nancyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-32558090233962978732012-02-15T08:02:00.003-08:002012-02-15T10:33:45.593-08:00Welcome Diana<div style="text-align: center;">
<i> So excited to share our newest contributor to No Hands But Ours, a longtime friend of mine and mom to four beautiful daughters. Diana blogs at <a href="http://1diamond1ruby1pearl.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">First a Pearl, then Three Rubies</a>, please join us in welcoming her to NHBO!</i></div>
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<br />
What a fun blessing for me to be asked to contribute here at NBHO.
<br />
<br />
Adoption began for us with our first dossier in 2005. That small leap of faith plunged us into the most amazing journey of our lives. We say to this day if anyone ever told us we would have four girls, three from China, we would have laughed...Loudly! God's plans never cease to amaze me. So, here I am seven years later with four daughters, three from China. All special, unique and amazing!<br />
<br />
<center>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rKMkBx5iFjU/TzvVUijbgWI/AAAAAAAAOPY/BIjNV92UVPo/s1600/dianasgirls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rKMkBx5iFjU/TzvVUijbgWI/AAAAAAAAOPY/BIjNV92UVPo/s400/dianasgirls.jpg" width="400" /></a></center>
<br />
<br />
In 2007 I gave up my briefcase to carry Ruby Mei's diaper bag, and I have not looked back! Other than a super cool volunteer job with Pearl River Outreach I am blessed to stay home to raise my crazy crew! It is definitely the hardest (and most rewarding) job I have ever had!
<br />
<br />
So my goal is to add something special here at NBHO! I hope to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone like I did with each adoption!! I promise when you do, the blessings will be plentiful! I look forward to sharing the journey with you wherever you are in your call to adopt!
<br />
<br />
<i>~ Diana</i>Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-82609183161027551092012-02-13T09:33:00.000-08:002012-02-13T09:33:00.174-08:00"Why is one nostril bigger than the other?"That was the question I got over the weekend from my 7 year old son, Quan. We adopted Quan from China in 2007. He had a cl/cp. Both were repaired upon arriving home, he was in speech therapy until 2010, and he has done AMAZING.<br /><br />I know not every experience with cl/cp is this simple. I do not take for granted how easy Quan's special need has been in our case.<br /><br />Or maybe I do.<br /><br />Because honestly? I've forgotten about it. The repairs and therapies seem so long ago!<br /><br />So when he asked me this, of course I said, "What are you talking about? One nostril is not bigger than the other!"<br /><br />"It looks that way to me" he said with his eyebrows all scrunched up.<br /><br />I got right down close to his nose and scrunched my eyebrows up too....searching....really trying to see the smaller nostril.<br /><br />"Nope. I don't see a difference. Kimmie? <span style="font-style: italic;">(same age sister adopted at same time as he) </span>Do you think one of his nostrils looks bigger?"<br /><br />"Not really. I can't tell any different," she said with all honesty.<br /><br />Quan said, "Well, it looks different to me."<br /><br />I really tried to look at his nose from a different perspective....not from my momma-who-only-sees-an-adorable-dimpled-7-year-old-bundle-of-silliness-and-fun.....but from somebody else's perspective. I remembered how many people have met Quan and didn't even know he had a cl/cp. Maybe there IS a teeny tiny little difference in the size of his nostrils....so I say,<br /><br />"You know, one might be a little smaller, Quan. But I certainly can't tell much of a difference if at all!"<br /><br />That was good enough for him, and off he went to finish his lego plane.<br /><br />Quan has an upcoming appointment with an oral surgeon to see if it's time to get his cleft in his gum-line repaired. Maybe since he's aware of that appointment, he is really processing and thinking about his mouth and nose and how he was born with a cl/cp....maybe that sparked his question. Or maybe he's just 7 and was picking his nose in the bathroom mirror and realized one nostril is bigger.<br /><br />Regardless, it is what it is. We take the questions as they come, we answer with honesty, and we pray for wisdom as we navigate the road of parenting. Thank the Lord we do not have to do it alone!!!!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6rykRSFy8Ms/Tzf9RHtMCiI/AAAAAAAADqw/4oFfOuqqoXg/s1600/Ferrill-67.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6rykRSFy8Ms/Tzf9RHtMCiI/AAAAAAAADqw/4oFfOuqqoXg/s400/Ferrill-67.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5708309523283577378" border="0" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">I don't know about you, but nostrils are not the first thing I see in a person. :) And in Quan? Yep, pretty much all I can see is 100% CUTENESS!!!!!!<br /></div>The Ferrill'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06091232102936751058noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-64134279557569029682012-02-11T19:57:00.000-08:002012-02-13T04:08:09.250-08:00My babyLast Sunday we celebrated five years since our oldest child was placed in my arms in a hot room in southern China. That means that I'm precisely five years and six days into this glorious adventure called motherhood. <br />
<br />
The learning curve was vicious at first, but I've come a long way. I feel that I can say I've come a long way with conviction. You see, while I had these grandiose visions of instantly knowing all the answers <i>before </i>I was a mom, along the way, it has become clear to me that I still have so, so much to learn.<br />
<br />
And that sometimes, my kids teach me the most important lessons.<br />
<br />
Take my youngest for example. Or should I say my baby. He has taught me volumes.<br />
<br />
He ran into my arms ~ and therefore into my life ~ at nearly 35 months old. He had been the apple of his foster mother's eye. Because we were confident that he had been well loved in his younger days, my first instinct was to treat him as an older toddler instead of an infant. <br />
<br />
But even though he was just shy of three, <i>he</i> wasn't ready to be a big boy yet. And he let me know about it. <br />
<br />
It started about two months after he came home ~ as soon as he had enough vocabulary to express himself. Since then we've had a nightly post-bath ritual. He gets out of the tub and immediately comes to find me. Then he stands with outstretched arms while saying, "I baby Mommy!" That is my signal to scoop him up into my arms and cradle him for a few minutes. <br />
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<center>
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We spend the time looking into each other's eyes with him making little cooing noises. In that time it is just him and me, no distractions by siblings competing for my attention. Then, as quickly as it begins, he ends our bonding time with puckered lips (waiting for a kiss) and a wiggly, "Get down Mommy," and then he is gone, in search of his favorite Lightning McQueen pajamas. <br />
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The whole routine lasts just about two to three minutes a night. But those sweet little moments are golden. They have helped further cement our mother/son relationship and have given me back a precious time with him that I otherwise would have missed. <br />
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I'm so thankful he let me know that he still has a little baby left in him after all. And that I had the insight to listen...Kristihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01233594585633157052noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-19218791580456381812012-02-10T06:26:00.000-08:002012-02-13T04:08:27.869-08:00The Plan vs The UnknownYou know that saying...<br />
<i>You want to see God laugh? </i><i>Just tell Him what your plans are!</i><br />
I'm pretty sure it went down like that. <br />
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In July of last year Papa and I carefully looked over our agency's special need's list. It's a paper that lists about 50 possible special needs. Hepatitis C, missing limbs, cleft lip and pallet, dwarfism, deafness, heart problems... Potential adoptive parents, like us, are directed to check <i>yes</i>, <i>no </i>or <i>maybe </i>next to each special need. The agency then uses this list to "match" special needs children with potential adoptive families. Papa and I prayed and talked many many times about it over a couple months. And we didn't agree on many things. Not many at all. But there were some needs that we did we agree would be something we could tackle and might be a great fit for our family. <br />
<br />
But in the end... we ticked only 1 box as <i>yes</i>. It was our plan.<br />
Only 1 box on the whole paper. <br />
I felt guilty, but still knew it was the right decision for us. <br />
Papa and I knew that by only accepting 1 possible special need, we'd likely have a long wait for a match in front of us. We decided that we'd wait 6 months then re-access. <br />
Can't you just see God giggling already.<br />
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On September 29th, our agency called us with Mazie's file thinking she might still be a match for us. And no, it wasn't the special need we planned on.<br />
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<center> <img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ce1rir8gmb8/TzViIb_g96I/AAAAAAAADYg/J2YqhqZwZOQ/s400/Dec+2011+-+21+months+old-2.jpg" width="320" /><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">In fact her special need wasn't listed on the form.</div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Well... so what special need does she have?</i> we asked. </div></i> <i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Developmental delays. Delays <b>beyond her peers </b>at the orphanage.</i></div></i> <i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Why?</i> was the obvious follow up question.</div></i> <i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>It doesn't say. They don't know. It just says that's she's quite behind. </i></div></i> <br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh God, really? I mean <b>really</b>? Now? Jump out of the plane now? </div><i><div style="text-align: left;"><i>OK. </i></div></i><div style="text-align: left;">And we did. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So here's the thing. Mazie was in the standard non-special needs program. At 15 months she had some testing done because we assume her delays were evident. She was tested, and she tested quite low in some s things like walking and language, and she scored average in others. And again, we're talking delays significantly beyond the scope of her peer at the orphanage. So she was transferred to the special need's program. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We've of course consulted with an international adoption doctor who is reviewing Mazie's medical information and progress, why she might be delayed. We consult this doctor every time we get any information on her.</div><div style="text-align: left;">We've repetitively examined all the photos and videos, and so has the doctor. We're all looking for clues to explain away the why's. But there is nothing that indicates specifically why Mazie is so delayed. The orphanage has been asked, and they say they don't know either.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1rjefTmG-Fs/TzViHGaPi4I/AAAAAAAADYY/kiGjuXzBEXU/s400/Dec+2011+-+21+months+old.jpg" width="400" /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Here's the big scary part... don't let those cute photos with chubby and adorable cheeks fool you. There are likely very real reasons my daughter is delayed. Things like autism, brain damage, and cerebral palsy just to name a few... scary words to see next to your child's name. Things I'd rather not dwell on for too long.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Mazie's foster parents are working with her in hopes of "catching her up" to her fullest potential. What that fullest potential is remains to be seen. </div><div style="text-align: left;">We'll know much much more when we finally meet her... maybe. And even though much of that scares us, that's ok with us. Until we can answer the why's, we'll let our faith will be enough.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">International adoption, and especially special need's adoption is full of unknowns. And honestly, maybe it is better that Mazie's "unknowns" so out in the open. If we had been referred a child that fit into our plan, maybe that would have created a false sense of security. Maybe we would have fallen into the trap of thinking we knew what type of child we were getting. And the honest truth is that nobody knows what child they're going to get... ever. We don't know much about Mazie's needs yet. And there's a very real possibility that we won't know of any of her limitations for quite a while after getting her. It is so important that adoptive parents go into adoption not only accepting the obvious challenges inherent with international adoption and post-institutionalized children, and special needs they are made aware of, but they additionally need to go into it accepting for the unknown. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Nancy</div></center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-23485189201430817822012-02-09T06:04:00.000-08:002012-02-09T14:31:09.625-08:00A SISTERHOODI am going to try and help you understand something that may SEEM a bit odd, but I am finding it occurs more and more these days and before you get knocked over w/ the EMOTION of it perhaps I can make you aware of it, so that is can be ignored ...<br />
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One of the many blessings of parenting a sweet SN angel is the sisterhood of amazing mothers, grand-mothers, aunts, and siblings that I have met along the way that understand my life and have given so much encouragement and prayer ... There is an instant connection of the heart because of the journey we are on together ... Let's be honest ---many days and nights are BEYOND hard ... Healing a child whether physical or emotional can be draining on a family emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially, yet there is NOTHING we would trade for this journey we are on ... We see GOD so much clearer in everyday life ... We see HIM in the big and small things of our day ... We bask in HIS mighty arms when we are at therapy, at the hospital, up in the middle of the night, etc ... HE is our anchor !!!<br />
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So here is the kicker and the thing to be IGNORED or JUST LET IT ROLL OFF YOUR SHOULDER ... When someone who hasn't parented a sweet SN angel, but wants to give you unsolicited advice just fall into your place of grace ... Or when someone says they were going to adopt SN, but God gave them (what the world would call) a healthy child instead and they want to give you advice then just keep on walking to your place of grace ... The INTENT to do something and the ACTION of doing it is two different things ... I want you to know that when people are looking into your life and they think they understand (WHEN THEY DON'T) then you just need to ignore it and keep on going ... You are strong and equipped w/ the LORD and don't ever let their second guesses or their advice distract you from the JOY of your life ... You may feel like you are on display at times and that gives people the right to GIVE THEIR 2 cents worth, but I disagree and I feel like it is becoming somewhat of an epidemic in adoption circles ... Ignoring it and not feeding into the drama of it is the best way to move on and not let it creep into your heart ... It can sometimes make us feel inadequate or like we aren't doing all we can, but in reality HEALING takes time and when people are looking in they are measuring most of your life by the WORLD's standards and that is no way to go about the journey ... YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S BIGGEST CHEERLEADER - so don't ever let anyone coax you into traveling this road any other way, but with the Lord ..<br />
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The need for people to want to help you FIX your child is a natural instinct and most mean well, but you may need to politely let them know the best help they can give is by praying for your family ... ALL of our children are fearfully and wonderfully made by the LORD and no matter what their unique make-up or life experiences up until they joined your family they are PERFECT in the sight of the LORD ... And the journey to HEALING is a GOD journey, but the journey of FIXING is a worldly journey ...<br />
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So not matter what the intentions (whether kind or nosey) from others just pull out your GRACE and keep on GLOWING AND GLORIFYING in the LORD !!!<br />
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blessings !!! Gwen Oatsvall (<a href="http://oatsvallteam.blogspot.com/">Oatsvallteam.blogspot.com</a>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-47564020424953986682012-02-08T11:36:00.000-08:002012-02-08T17:55:30.988-08:00What we're reading Wednesday: linksFrom the last few weeks, some good stuff we've read that relates to adoption and/or parenting a special needs child.<br />
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As always, if you are a traveling family, or have posted something, or read something, that you'd like to share here on No Hands But Ours, please let us know at <i><a href="mailto:nohandsbutours@gmail.com">nohandsbutours@gmail.com</a></i>.<br />
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<b>From the blog world:</b><br />
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Please keep the Wife of the Prez and her new daughter, Sallie, in your thoughts and prayers. At last, <a href="http://roomforatleastonemore.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Sallie is in their arms</a>, but she is having a hard time and grieving terribly, which is made worse by her very complex heart condition.<br />
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Our very own <a href="http://ourlittletongginator.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Tonggu Momma</a> shares about her <a href="http://ourlittletongginator.blogspot.com/2012/01/favorite-gross-motor-toys-for.html" target="_blank">therapy equipment (aka toys!)</a> for children - like her daughter, Squirt - with gross motor delays.<br />
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Yvette, who blogs at <a href="http://bringinghomeholland.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Bringing Home Holland</a>, has a biological child with dwarfism and an adopted child with dwarfism. And she shares her heart on <a href="http://bringinghomeholland.blogspot.com/2012/01/adopting-children-with-dwarfism.html">adopting a child with dwarfism</a>.<br />
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La Dolce Vida shares how she created very <a href="http://www.radicchis.blogspot.com/2012/01/life-books.html" target="_blank">special lifebooks</a> that tell the adoption story of her daughters.<br />
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Mary Beth, at <a href="http://letterstomaggieling.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Letters to Maggie</a>, shares about her daughter Maggie's time in <a href="http://letterstomaggieling.blogspot.com/2012/01/life-with-spica-cast.html" target="_blank">a spica cast</a> and now how she is <a href="http://letterstomaggieling.blogspot.com/2012/01/no-i-walk.html" target="_blank">learning to walk</a> since having the cast removed.<br />
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Danielle at <a href="http://www.westhavenkids.com/" target="_blank">Westhaven Kids</a> takes a very honest look back at her <a href="http://www.westhavenkids.com/node/3361%20" target="_blank">son's gotcha day</a>, and shudders at the thought of what it would have been like if she had been totally unprepared.<br />
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Jen, at <a href="http://www.lovelaughlearngrow.com/" target="_blank">Love Laugh Learn and Grow</a>, takes a look back at her son Johnathan's adoption, who has now been home <a href="http://www.lovelaughlearngrow.com/2012/02/100-days-with-johnathan-gotcha-video.html%20" target="_blank">100 days</a>. <br />
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Kelley from <a href="http://gazingupward.com/" target="_blank">Gazing Upward</a> shares her thoughts on <a href="http://gazingupward.com/2012/01/how-honest-can-an-adoption-blog-be/%20" target="_blank">being honest on a public blog</a> and answers a question she often hears regarding adopting an older child.<br />
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And our newest NHBO contributor, Nancy from <a href="http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Ordinary Miracles and the Crazy 9</a>, takes a look back at <a href="http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.com/2012/02/attachment-3-12-years-later.html" target="_blank">her daughter's attachment journey</a>, and recognizes that, for children like her Tess, it's a marathon, not a sprint. <br />
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<b>From the news:</b><br />
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From the Courier-Journal,<a href="http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20120123/FEATURES03/301230028/Babies-read-our-lips-more-than-we-thought"> Babies Read Our Lips More That We Thought</a>. A fascinating read about how and when babies read lips, and then, at a year, move back to focusing on our eyes. But, <i>if confronted with a foreign language</i>,
they go back to lip reading. Adoptive parents would be wise to read
this and consider it when communicating with their newly adopted
children.<br />
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<b>Traveling Families:</b><br />
And lastly, if you're like all of us around here, you'll want to take a
few moments (or hours!) and travel vicariously with these families
currently in China to bring home their kids.
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<ul>
<li><a href="http://roomforatleastonemore.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Room For At Least One More </a>- :)</li>
<li><a href="http://www.willasgarden.com/" target="_blank">Willa's Garden </a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.ifnotus-thenwho.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">If Not Us... Then Who?</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.jiangxijourney.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Three Princes and a Princess </a></li>
<li><a href="http://andthentherewereseven.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Blessed</a></li>
<li><a href="http://planetrh.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Planet R-H</a></li>
</ul>Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-4903855763433828862012-02-07T06:58:00.000-08:002012-02-07T07:27:20.632-08:00Learning to Cry"It's normal," said our international adoption doctor. "Normal, at least, for where she's come from...."<br />
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<center><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-txbIhghVBGY/TzE7VcA37qI/AAAAAAAAEvQ/0Rn3kkjhYX4/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-txbIhghVBGY/TzE7VcA37qI/AAAAAAAAEvQ/0Rn3kkjhYX4/s400/1.jpg" width="400" /></a></center>
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Our daughter was 11 months old when she came home from China, young for a special needs adoption. She had spent 10 months in the orphanage and one month in foster care. Overall, she was doing very well and was on-target or perhaps even beyond in every way. But one behavior worried me. Or more accurately, it was the <i>lack</i> of a behavior that worried me. When she got hurt, she didn't cry.<br />
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In China, during one of our first days together, she was cruising along the furniture, tripped, and hit her head. It wasn't a terrible injury, but one that should have hurt. <i>Had</i> to hurt. Yet she didn't cry. She laid on the floor and very deliberately breathed deeply in and out. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth, like she was attending a Yoga class. Then she pulled herself back up and continued her cruising. During our first weeks together, I saw this repeated many times. Any little injury and her eyes would glaze over and the Yoga breathing would begin. In and out. In and out. Sometimes she put her thumb in her mouth, hugged herself with her other arm, and gently rocked. <br />
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Her paperwork, written when she was 6 months old, said, "she's learned the ways of the orphanage and does not cry to interrupt adult's work." Even before I met her, I knew what that meant. She hadn't learned, "Oh, I see that you're busy; I won't interrupt you." She'd learned, "when I cry, my throat hurts and my eyes burn and my wood mattress gets wet.......and no one comes anyway."<br />
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So when I talked to our doctor, herself an adoptive mom, she said I should overemphasize the owies. Every owie. All the time. With our other kids, who had <i>no</i> trouble at all producing a healthy wail, a typical response to a little trip and fall was, "Up you go! You're O.K.!" With Cholita, those tiny owies became hug and kiss fests. We snuggled, we coddled, and I'm proud to say, within a month, she was screaming like a banshee just like our other children.<br />
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And as much as my husband and I joked that we'd created a monster, I was happy to have my work interrupted by a crying baby who was looking to her Mama for comfort. <br />
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After all, Yoga will still be there when she's 40.<br />
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<br />Eileenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12149276733782997431noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-70603035965526363782012-02-03T03:21:00.000-08:002012-02-03T03:21:49.557-08:00welcome Nancy<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I am excited to share that we have another new blogging mama who is joining our team at No Hands But Ours. Nancy blogs at <a href="http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.com/" target="rightside">Ordinary Miracles and the Crazy 9</a>... and since she says it so much better than I do, here is bit more about her and her growing family! </i></div>
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My name is Nancy, and I'm tickled pink that the NHBO has invited me to contribute! My hubby, who is an adult adoptee himself, and I have been together since we were teenagers, before the invention of the wheel, circa 1984, even before cell phones and the www. I had always wanted a big ol' family, and even from my earliest memories, I clearly remember wanting to adopt to build my family. With the most wonderful Godly man and best friend by my side, we now have 6 little ones ages, (several of which are hardly little any more) and another on the way via Jiangxi, China. All of them, ages 18, 15, 13, 9, 4, and 4, are still living at home and this make me a very happy, and very busy mama, who almost always has a laundry pile the size of a small baseball stadium waiting for her.
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Oddly, I may be the only contributor to NHBO that hasn't adopted from China... <i>yet</i>. Our 4 year olds, Tess and Jude, were both special needs adoptions from VietNam that we got just as the program was crumbling to a close in 2008. We adopted them at the same time when they were 12 months old. They were often crib mates at their orphanage in Saigon. Jude was identified as a special needs adoption with bilateral foot deformities. We suspected from his photos that he had bilateral club feet, and this did turn out to be the case. He has had 2 surgeries, much serial casting, a couple years of physical therapy, and still wears a brace 12 hours a day. His special needs were as straight forward and his attachment went smoothly. Contrastingly, his sister, Tess, was not identified as special needs, however it was indicated that she was a preemie with low birth weight of 3 lbs even, (likely 3 months premature) and also likely malnourished. Upon getting her, we quickly realized that there were a host of other post-institutionalization issues that would need to be addressed over the years, including on-going attachment issues that we still deal with.<br />
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<a href="http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.com/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="rightside"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0IgZbKQrJz8/TylWufrz0aI/AAAAAAAAOM8/qXArJStZv40/s640/Nancy.jpg" width="640" /></a></center>
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Our newest bundle of joy, who we are naming Mazie Jade, is an amazingly adorable, almost 2-year-old girl, and is currently living in an orphanage in Jiangxi, China. We will leave to get her in the next 3-6 weeks. Her special needs are a bit unknown, and frankly that's really scary, but with faith in God, we trust that we will have all we need to provide her with a strong wonderful future. So right now we're in the thick of waiting... and waiting... and waiting... to bring her home. The waiting is getting excruciatingly hard. But again, with faith we know our time will eventually come. I plan on sharing here on NHBO regularily both before, during, and after our travel. I'm excited to share our feelings and experiences about attachment issues, transitions, and what adoption of special need's kiddos looks like both in the long and short term.
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<center><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8tjIWfy_CfQ/Tyl3QUm8iaI/AAAAAAAAONM/CKOjA5NuM_w/s1600/Mazie-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="397" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8tjIWfy_CfQ/Tyl3QUm8iaI/AAAAAAAAONM/CKOjA5NuM_w/s400/Mazie-6.jpg" width="298" /></a></center>
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Over at our family blog, <a href="http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.com/" target="rightside">Ordinary Miracles and the Crazy 9</a>, you'll also find me spending my free time blogging, gathering dirty laundry, dabbling in photography, sorting laundry, cooking VietNamese food, doing more laundry, dreaming of travel, folding laundry, living the chaotic art of having a large family, making far more mistakes than I care to admit, and still doing more laundry. Some of the most valuable lessons I've learned about special need's adoption have been through reading blogs of other families that have blazed the trail before me. I've learned the differences between my expectations and reality, and have found comfort when times got tough. I very much appreciate the opportunity to share our ongoing journey and be a part of the NHBO community!<br />
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<i>Nancy</i>Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-7417911153041089422012-02-01T10:51:00.000-08:002012-02-01T13:57:06.396-08:00I not be fraid~Happy February everyone! I for one can't believe how fast time is moving. I'm sure it's about to slow to a snail's pace for my family though as we have just submitted our LOI for a new son this week. The wait has officially begun again. :)<div><br /></div><div>Many of you know that we lost our son, Seth, in November in Kunming. We recently learned that he died from complications to his open heart surgery. I wrote in detail about it on our family blog, so I won't go into here, but it has just been a wonderful piece of closure for us. We've learned so much. We've grown so much.<div><br /></div><div>I remember decorating our Christmas tree the week after Seth died, something that is never a chore for me because I love it so, and this year just feeling so sad. And frustrated. And if I'm honest, mad. We had only loved him for four months. But goodness, he was part of us. Already grafted into our hearts. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm hanging ornaments and our five year old son, Joel, out of the blue asks me...</div><div><br /></div><div><i>"Why my baby bruh-wer die, mama? Why my Seff in Heaven?"</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:85%;"><i>{our beautiful Thai Tornado}</i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-4qAVKR5Qyuk/TmUDgll_8MI/AAAAAAAAFG0/ktnSvymfuE4/s640/joel%2527s%25205th%2520birthday-2034%2520copy%2520texture.jpg" height="427" width="640" /><br /><br /></div><div>I put down the ornaments in my hand, loved on him and answered him the best I could. And then I looked to Jason, my rock and the love of my life, with a question of my own.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>"Will we do this again, babe? Will we find another little boy?"</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>"I'm sure we will. We will just pray, babe."</b></div><div><br /></div><div><i>"Will we bring home a heart baby?"</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>"I can't think of any reason why we shouldn't." </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>He was right, ya know. We <i>are doing</i> this again. We <i>have found</i> another son. We <i>have chosen</i> a heart baby. Not in the same way that Seth was a heart baby. Seth's condition was more grave. We knew that going in. Still, I really believed he was coming home. And the rug was pulled out from under my feet and I felt myself come crashing down with no rug to soften the blow. That's just how I <i>felt</i> though. It wasn't the truth. </div><div><br /></div><div>Because God was {and is!} rich in mercy. And we have peace. And closure. And a new son to sing over! A son with congenital heart defects that need fixing. But ones that are probably not going to take his life before we get there. Still, my breath catches as I write that. Because we are just beginning to feel the rug has been placed snuggly under our feet again. </div><div><br /></div><div>This little guy is 11 months old {Eeeeek!} and his precious heart has two defects {PDA and PFO}, his left heart is enlarged, his main pulmonary artery is enlarged. He has some pretty severe urogenital issues as well. All of which, we stand ready and willing to deal with and make better as best we can. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm a part time photographer and was sitting at my desk doing some work for a client last week. The rain was falling again {we had a very wet January!} but it wasn't storming. The only sounds I heard were a steady rain and Joel building his latest <i>roller coaster</i> out of wooden train tracks in the floor in front of my desk. All of a sudden, a roar of thunder rocked our house. In a blink, literally .7 seconds, Joel was all over me. Grasping my arm, head buried in my chest.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>"What that noise, mama?"</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>"It was just thunder baby. It's okay. I've got you. You're okay."</b></div><div><br /></div><div><i>"I no wike funder, mama."</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>"I know, baby. It's okay to be afraid. But you don't have to be. I've got you."</b></div><div><br /></div><div><i>"My new baby bruh-wer be fraid of funder, mama?</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>"Yes. I'm sure he will be."</b></div><div><br /></div><div><i>"I take care him, mama. I help him not be fraid."</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>"That's so sweet of you, Joel. I'm sure he'll be so happy to have a big brother like you."</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><i>"I take care him, mama. I teach him sing, 'God wuvs me, I NOT be fraid, not be fraid, not be fraid! God wuvs me, I NOT be fraid, not be fraid anymore!' "</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>I have never heard Joel sing this song. I have no idea who taught it to him. But he was the mouth of God for me in that moment. I had so many doubts about stepping forward for another heart baby...though I knew that God had called us to that road. And I knew that this sweet boy's heart was less severe than Seth's. But fear overtook me many days leading up to our decision. I was scared that we may be too old to parent a child this young again! Yet, God put those fears to rest as well. </div><div><br /></div><div>I told our case worker last week, it feels like we are on the edge of a cliff. Our toes are pointed over the air and our heels are firmly planted to the safe, hard ground. Behind us is all that is comfortable and careful and easy. Jumping off is hard and tiring and burdensome. But I know that I can't trust my feelings. They will lead me astray many times. I felt that my world was crashing down before, I felt that the rug wasn't there to catch my fall. It wasn't true at all. He held my world, He caught my fall. And this Truth will sustain us. God loves us. And we'll <i>"not be fraid." </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>Today and everyday,<i> that's more than enough.</i></div></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:85%;">{I love that our Joel knows in whom he can trust!}</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-WRaV9XOLpBg/ToTuwIjYkDI/AAAAAAAAFOI/XnPVl1sGVpU/s640/forever%2520family%2520day%2520%25232-3642%2520copy.jpg" height="640" width="427" /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-21732927340040223542012-01-31T05:36:00.000-08:002012-01-31T06:07:22.083-08:00Communicating through ASLThis has probably been a familiar scene at some point in your home ... your young toddler child is sitting in the middle of the floor throwing a temper tantrum. Tears are streaming down her face, her nose is running and her hair is matted to her face. She's kicking the floor and screaming ... and you have absolutely no idea why. You have tried everything to calm her down and nothing has worked. Age appropriate? Of course. Frustrating for both of you? Definitely. Sometimes there really is no reason for the tantrum ... but maybe sometimes there is?<br /><br />I think it's safe to say that one of the biggest frustrations for toddler-aged kiddos is lack of communication. Or it's at least been one of the biggest frustrations for Brooklyn since she came home from China last June. I am convinced that since we brought her home at 13 months old, she's known exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it. But given the language barrier, her young age, and her un-repaired cleft lip and palate ... well, there wasn't much communicating happening from her side.<br /><br />Enter our non-verbal saving grace, American Sign Language (ASL). We had used a few signs with our biological children when they were Brooklyn's age, but mostly because I thought it was cool and seemed like a good thing to do. We didn't actually depend on the signs for communication. But with Brooklyn, signs have pretty much become a way of life. I'm not just talking about the signs for "more" and "all done" ... I'm talking about complete non-verbal communication with ASL. Not full sentences mind you, but "toddler talk" using ASL. At 20 months old, our super-smarty-pants can sign over 40 words and the list keeps growing. She has a better vocabulary than my son did at her age. She can also understand just about everything we say, and thanks to ASL, she can respond appropriately using signs. And although we still have the typical toddler meltdowns, Brooklyn's non-verbal communication skills have drastically cut them down.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rEyEy38lfPc/TyBVC28pSHI/AAAAAAAAIg0/A25elAE0fj4/s1600/web%2B4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand; height: 600px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rEyEy38lfPc/TyBVC28pSHI/AAAAAAAAIg0/A25elAE0fj4/s1600/web%2B4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5701650635849025650" border="0" /></a><br />It's a long list, but to give you a clear picture of Brooklyn's non-verbal capabilities ... here are the words she can sign and understand: hi/bye, yes/no, milk, bedtime, play, all done, eat, more, help, blanket, bath, come, napkin/tissue, wash, sorry, book, thank you, shoes, socks, car, mommy, daddy, brother, sister, dog, hat, stop, music, clean, diaper, wait, yogurt, baby, scared, ball, up, down, hurt and hair ... there may be more but this is the running list I have. She can point to the body parts on her face and I also have another handful of signs that I am working on teaching her: I love you, coat, happy, train, brush teeth, kiss, want, dance, sit, stand, banana, friend, gentle, outside, cat, color, and TV. And there are countless more I'd like to learn but I try to only introduce a few at a time. She can pick up some immediately after showing her just one time, others take longer. Some signs are used for multiple words, a few are ones that are not actually ASL (just made up over time), and some are Brooklyn's toddler version of the sign. I'm happy to say that ASL has become a routine, necessary, easy part of our life.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3RhoGYtrcPU/TyBU2FHVFWI/AAAAAAAAIfo/PB51TH-ecAA/s1600/web%2B10.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand; height: 600px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3RhoGYtrcPU/TyBU2FHVFWI/AAAAAAAAIfo/PB51TH-ecAA/s1600/web%2B10.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5701650416313636194" border="0" /></a><br />Teaching Brooklyn ASL was not always easy though. In fact, the first sign I taught her, "milk," was probably the most difficult. I started signing a few important words when we were in China but didn't really begin trying to teach them to her until we had been home for a few days. Every time we had her milk out to drink, I'd hold it in front of her and sign "milk." I even amazingly got her to imitate me doing it a few times. I did this ... a lot. All the time. Once I knew that she could consistently do the sign AND that she understood what she was doing, I only gave her the milk when she signed for it. There were definitely temper tantrums during this transitional period and it was tough ... a battle of wills on more than one occasion. Two strong-willed ladies both wanting different things made for interesting days. But within 2 weeks of being home, she was comfortably signing "milk" and it was absolutely effortless for her.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_FyT1p7Iy7c/TyBVBVPL6wI/AAAAAAAAIgc/uPtG0n7SP3s/s1600/web%2B6.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand; height: 600px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_FyT1p7Iy7c/TyBVBVPL6wI/AAAAAAAAIgc/uPtG0n7SP3s/s1600/web%2B6.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5701650609620118274" border="0" /></a><br />I continued to sign other words with her while talking, but didn't intentionally teach them to her for a little while. I wanted to make sure we had "milk" down cold before I slowly started introducing others. When she started to use "milk" for everything, I knew it was time to learn more. It was slow-going at first and certainly an uphill battle on many occasions, but worth every ounce of work. Brooklyn learned a burst of signs in late November/early December when she was 18 months old - she was picking up multiple signs each week! We also noticed a drastic reduction in her temper tantrums around that time. I think that part of it was just being more comfortable with us, but I can also attribute her behavior change to language acquisition.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S8f5-EfSpt4/TyBU1FU0X_I/AAAAAAAAIfc/1ZAbhReAKwE/s1600/web%2B11.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 600px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S8f5-EfSpt4/TyBU1FU0X_I/AAAAAAAAIfc/1ZAbhReAKwE/s1600/web%2B11.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5701650399190343666" border="0" /></a><br />Using ASL has been really fun for our two biological children as well - they can interpret what Brooklyn is saying for other people who don't understand it and they even help teach her signs! My oldest daughter learns some ASL at school and she is always excited to teach us the new words she has learned. Brooklyn is still pretty non-verbal. She does not say any words, although she makes a few sounds that mimic words and she uses different tones extremely well. Sometimes I know what she wants just by the tone of her sound. She can say "ow" when something hurts and she makes an adorable "hu ha" sound when she wants me to sing to her. She can say "mamamama" but that's more mimicking a sound than an actual word. I expect that her verbal language will start developing when we begin speech therapy after her palate repair on February 21st. I really believe that all children could benefit from using ASL, whether they are speech-delayed or not. Research has even shown that verbal language acquisition is easier for children who know ASL!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f3-qC2cWpBs/TyBU2ZC-LlI/AAAAAAAAIf0/-6gNDj9jkxI/s1600/web%2B9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;height: 600px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f3-qC2cWpBs/TyBU2ZC-LlI/AAAAAAAAIf0/-6gNDj9jkxI/s1600/web%2B9.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5701650421664067154" border="0" /></a><br />Before you ask, no - I am not fluent in ASL and I did not know it before I had children. In fact, I only knew a handful of signs before we brought Brooklyn home. I have learned from a book, videos and yes, I'll say it ... an iPhone app :-) The resource I have leaned on the most is a great book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Your-Tot-Sign-American/dp/1563683113/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327977805&sr=8-1"><span style="font-style: italic;">Teach Your Tot</span></a> to Sign by Stacy A. Thompson. I have yet to look up a sign that wasn't in the book. I also like the <a href="http://www.babysigningtime.com/">Baby Signing Time</a> videos because they show multiple children doing the signs in their own ways. The iPhone/iPad app that we have is called <span style="font-style: italic;">Baby Sign and Learn </span>- it has digital cartoon-like babies that show the signs. There are many, many more resources out there for parents, theses are just the ones that I am using.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e4K2dPIAUu0/TyBVCcQm_lI/AAAAAAAAIgo/l8iob3F81Fo/s1600/web%2B5.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;height: 600px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e4K2dPIAUu0/TyBVCcQm_lI/AAAAAAAAIgo/l8iob3F81Fo/s1600/web%2B5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5701650628685004370" border="0" /></a><br />Communication with little ones is always difficult, whether they are biological or adopted. Now that Brooklyn has been home for 8 months, the initial language barrier is not an issue anymore. But there are still times when Brooklyn is passionately signing a word and I have no idea what she's saying. I am so happy though, that she has the skills to be able to effectively communicate what she needs and wants. And if it's something we haven't signed yet, the information is only a book, video, or iPhone app away.Nicole Renéehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16593529943246455724noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-88447965527309512052012-01-27T09:53:00.000-08:002012-01-27T09:53:13.253-08:00Adoption Tax Credit for 2011Anyone who has adopted should know about the Adoption Tax Credit. It's a huge blessing for adopting families to recoup a portion of expenses when adopting a child. But if you're most of us, that's about where your knowledge ends. <br />
<br />
<i>Internet to the rescue.</i> <br />
<br />
With tax season upon us, here are some links to help you maximize your credit, and minimize the effort.<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=2126" target="_blank">Ask the Adoption Law Expert</a> - by Adoptive Families Magazine</li>
<li><a href="http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoption-domestic-adoption-international-adoption-embryo-adoption-foster-care-adoption/future-adoption-tax-credit-2011-2012-2013/" target="_blank">The Future of the Adoption Tax Credit in 2011, 2012, 2013 & Beyond</a> - by Creating A Family</li>
<li><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQryETwRziA" target="_blank">Adoption Tax Credit: For Families</a> - by Jackson Hewitt and the Dave Thomas Foundation</li>
<li><a href="http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/adoption_tax_credit.cfm" target="_blank">Adoption Tax Credit</a> - <b>free webinar!</b> by Adoption Learning Partners Adoption
</li>
<li><a href="http://www.nacac.org/taxcredit/taxcredit2011.html" target="_blank">Claiming the Federal Adoption Tax Credit for 2011</a> - North American Council on Adoptable Children </li>
<li><a href="http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=236883,00.html" target="_blank">Adoptive Parents: Don't Delay Your Adoption Credit Refund</a> - by the IRS</li>
<li><a href="http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=242932,00.html" target="_blank">Six Things to Know About the Expanded Adoption Tax Credit</a> - by the IRS</li>
<li><a href="http://www.irs.gov/instructions/i8839/ch01.html#d0e215" target="_blank">Qualified Adoption Expenses</a> - by the IRS</li>
</ul>
The numbers below reflect the <b>total Adoption Tax Credit amounts</b>. Note that only in 2010 and 2011 are these amounts refundable, which means that the refund is received in a lump sum. This was a huge surprise to many of us last tax season when we learned that our refund was going to be significantly larger than anticipated. But the IRS insisted on auditing many adoptive families, so it is wise to make sure you have all your receipts and documentation of expenses organized and ready to go before you file for 2011. According to the IRS website, <i>"Taxpayers may also be asked, after filing their returns, to substantiate any qualified adoption expenses they paid."</i><br />
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2013: $5,000 or $6,000 for a special needs child (projected)<br />
2012: at least $12,170 (will be indexed for inflation), non-refundable<br />
2011: $13,360 (will be indexed for inflation), <b>refundable</b><br />
2010: $13,170, <b>refundable </b><br />
2009: $12,150, non-refundable<br />
2008: $11,650, non-refundable<br />
2007: $11,390, non-refundable<br />
2006: $10,960, non-refundable<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Adoption Tax Credit Amount Source: <a href="http://taxes.about.com/od/deductionscredits/qt/adoptioncredit.htm" target="_blank">William Perez - about.com </a></span><br />
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If you have any sites or tips to share for this tax season, please do. I know that many of us learned way more about taxes than we wanted to last year when the vast majority of refunds were being withheld due to audits.Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-6957612262346580022012-01-21T19:54:00.000-08:002012-01-21T20:12:28.641-08:00CHD: Single Ventricle Heart (Probably more than you wanted to know!)I had a reader* (on my family blog) ask a question the other day that I figured some others may be wondering. I also think answering it could potentially help educate others about single ventricle heart disease, and education is POWER and could mean another child going from orphan to a son or daughter. So here goes.<br /><br />Way back in March, a team of volunteers from <a href="http://www.lwbcommunity.org/announcing-lwbs-new-qiandongnan-foster-care-program">Love Without Boundaries traveled to Guizhou Province</a> and visited several orphanages. In one of those orphanages, they found a little baby girl who was not doing well and who appeared to have heart disease, which was apparent in her blue-tinged lips and other signs I'm assuming involving her breathing and possibly her fingers and toes (clubbing). By April, LWB was given permission to seek evaluation and possible treatment for this now 14-month-old baby girl in Shanghai. They also in April <a href="http://www.lwbcommunity.org/closing-the-er">pleaded with supporters for funding for several children including a little girl they had given the name Keely</a>. Within weeks, this little baby girl was receiving a much-needed, open-heart surgery in Shanghai. I wish I could share a face*book post link, but if there is a way I haven't figured it out! Anyway, LWB posted many updates on their face*book page about the little girl they call Keely when she was in Shanghai receiving surgery for her heart<br /><br />She received what is more commonly called a glenn shunt. This<a href="http://www.fontanoperation.com/fontan5.htm"> link</a> is a very layman's terms description of the Glenn shunt. It has pictures. If you are really adventurous, I have found youtube videos of the operation and I'll be honest: I have watched them and find them absolutely amazing and fascinating. The Prez thinks I'm a bit off, but I really found watching them helped me understand it a lot better and to see a surgeon working with such a tiny heart—amazing and miraculous.<br /><br />**If you would like to see the link, I do have it posted on my family blog. I do not have it posted here because it is graphic. I just want to be careful and not offend! I find it fascinating and informational, but I realize others may not. You can also google you*tube and glenn shunt to find it if interested.**<br /><br />After the Glenn shunt in early May, this baby girl was now receiving more richly oxygenated blood to her head and upper body. Still, the lower half of her body and lower limbs are still receiving very blue (oxygen-poor) blood. She needs another surgery, which is called the fontan in order to COMPLETE the fontan circulation.<br /><br />To answer Trish's question, yes, LWB provided her with a much-needed and life-saving surgery, but she needs another surgery. She needs the full fontan circulation completed. This surgery she had in Shanghai though not only gave her a better chance for the full fontan circulation to be completed, it greatly improved her quality of life and her chances of being adopted. If I'm being completely honest, the Prez and I found a huge amount of relief and peace in knowing she was given such an incredible gift and chance. Our first daughter didn't receive this surgery and time took its toll on her little heart as she waited and FOUGHT to live. I still get totally overwhelmed when I think of what our Li'l Miss ENDURED. We watched her coming home video again today and I have a snippet of video with her labored breathing ... every single time I am overcome when I remember seeing her suffering like that. NO CHILD should have to suffer like that.<br /><br />Our little girl, who is the same little girl known as Keely with Love Without Boundaries and who we will meet in 15 DAYS!, has single-ventricle cardiac disease just like our Li'l Miss has. Well, their defects are somewhat different but ultimately they both were born with one formed ventricle instead of two, and both needed the fontan in order to live the most full life possible with current medical advances. There is no cure or heart repair for single ventricle disease, but the glenn shunt and hopefully following that the fontan will give our waiting daughter the chance to lead a full life. She also has been diagnosed with dextrocardia, which by itself can by a totally non-issue, but with a complex defect such as single ventricle it certainly complicates matters. We are also unsure of possible other defects because we have received some conflicting information. Rather than pursue a lot of clarification, we decided to move forward because clarification was not going to change our decision to pursue her adoption nor was it going to significantly affect the fact that we will not know her surgical options until she is home and can be evaluated by a cardiologist and particularly through cardiac catheterization.<br /><br />This <a href="http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/patients/child/encyclopedia/defects/sv/">page</a> from Cincinatti Children's Hospital is one that I find extremely helpful for a laymen like me to understand our daughter's heart defects. You can click through and read about treatment options and various considerations.<br /><br />Trisha also wondered why the urgency if our daughter already received life-saving surgery and if she is "doing well" as was stated recently on a post about her. While she is doing well right now, ideally she needs the fontan circulation to be completed (the lower vena cava to be rerouted to bypass the pumping chambers of the heart and flow directly by pressure into the lungs) and for it to be done sooner than later. While neither of these operations is considered curative, the optimum outcome for her would be a completed fontan circulation.<br /><br />It is important I think to note here that the fontan operation is a last resort. It is not optimum, but it is what is available to better a child's life and give them a chance to live a life without being on oxygen hopefully and to experience everyday things that many of us take for granted. But ultimately, the fontan bypasses the pumping chambers of the heart because the defects are so complex that this is BETTER than allowing the blood to flow through the heart. I still have a drawing our amazing Dr. B, the surgeon who performed Li'l Miss's fontan and who will perform Li'l Bit's as well God willing she is operable, gave us as he explained in a way we could understand exactly what it was he would be doing to our Li'l Miss's heart. I saved it for her to have someday. I will never forget sitting in her hospital room that night, the night before he would operate on her heart, and hearing him tell us the risks, him having to ask us to sign the consent and his obvious grace toward us in that moment, and ultimately him saying as he stood, "It is in the hands of her Maker." Yes it is. Even today, that is it. Our Li'l Bit's heart is in the hands of her Maker.<br /><br />On that same page from Cincinatti Children's <a href="http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/patients/child/encyclopedia/default/">Heart Encyclopedia,</a> you can read this:<br /><div><br /><br /><em>For a heart with a Fontan reconstruction to work well, there are a few crucial features that must be maintained. These key factors must be kept in mind when planning the medical or surgical management of children with single ventricle defects from the first day of life onward.</em><br /><br /><strong><em>The single ventricle must not be overworked for a long period of time, in terms of either having to pump too much blood or pump at too high a pressure.</em></strong><br /><br /><strong><em>The pulmonary arteries must grow well without stenosis (narrowing) and must remain low resistance (or be very relaxed). If the pulmonary arteries are narrow or if the resistance in these vessels is high, blood will not be able to flow into them without a pump, so the Fontan will not be successful.</em></strong><br /><br /><em>Lastly, leaky or tight valves may adversely affect the function of the ventricle or the flow of blood to the lungs.</em><br /><br /></div><br />I bolded the parts above because this information is crucial to understanding why the urgency and also why what LWB and its supporters provided is so amazing. Not only did the shunt operation she had done buy time so to speak, but it GREATLY INCREASES her chances for a successful and complete fontan circulation by hopefully protecting her lungs and pulmonary arteries from high pressures that could make a fontan impossible.<br /><br />We know personally how NOT getting the glenn shunt adversely affects a child. We saw with our own eyes how sick our older daughter was. She was 35 months old and never received the glenn shunt which our Li'l Bit has had done thanks to LWB and its supporters.<br /><br />As far as the urgency it is mult-faceted. The ideal time for completing the fontan is two to three years of age. Not only that, the longer our daughter waits for the full palliation, the more chance she could become ill and not be able to fight it and also the more chance her heart is being overworked (and could be enlarged), and finally the more chance irreversible damage is being done to her lungs and/or pulmonary arteries.<br /><br />This is an excerpt from the Cincinatti Children's page:<br /><br /><em>The third and final stage in the reconstruction of a single ventricle heart defect is the Fontan completion operation. This operation is usually performed at 2 or 3 years of age, based on the child's size and clinical status.</em><br /><br />On that note, the optimum time for a child in the US to receive the hemi-fontan, or glenn shunt, is by six months of age. Our daughter received it at 14 months of age. We don't know what happened with her heart and lungs and pulmonary arteries while she waited so long. What we do know is that she survived for all of that time, that she made it through the surgery and that she is doing well right now.<br /><br />I also want to add that children with single ventricle heart disease are very susceptible to infections, to *regular* childhood illnesses being much more serious for them, to the lack of oxygen causing secondary problems such as poor brain development, learning disabilities, damage to the lungs which could be irreversible. While the surgery LWB provided most likely improved our daughter's oxygenation from the 40s or 50s to the 70s or 80s, this is still not ideal. A normal heart will function in such a way that the body will receive blood with an oxygen saturation of 99% or better. So, 80% oxygen saturation is certainly better than 40 or 50% saturation, but is not something ideal for the long term. It is very possible our daughter could live with just a hemi-fontan and at 70-80% oxygen saturation, but we are hopeful that she can receive the completed fontan circulation and hopefully 95% or better oxygen saturation. For reference, Li'l Miss had oxygen saturation of 40% when she came home and 70-80% after her complete fontan repair. However, due to her case of having no partial fontan done, her surgeon felt it necessary to leave a fenestration (a type of pop-off valve if you will to allow pressure releases) in her heart. About a year after her fontan operation, the fenestration was closed surgically in the cath lab. Since that time, Li'l Miss has held steady with oxygen saturation of 96-99%.<br /><br />I want to touch on something I am often asked about: life expectancy. I copied this from that Cincinatti Children's page as well because it explains what we know so well (and also a lot of what we just don't know):<br /><div><br /><em>After a successful Fontan surgery, the reconstructed single ventricle heart has achieved its maximal efficiency in terms of ventricular work and near normal oxygen levels, but its capacity for work will usually not match that of a normal heart when examined using sophisticated testing.</em><br /><br /><em>The limitations children experience due to their heart defect, though, can vary greatly. At one end of the spectrum there are children with Fontan circulations who have participated in competitive sports such as swimming and gymnastics.</em><br /><br /><em>Other children may have significant limitation in their capacity for exercise. Most children fall somewhere in between the extremes.</em><br /><br /><em>Most children are on a blood thinner called coumadin after their Fontan to prevent clots from forming in the Fontan circuit. When a child is on a blood thinner, you must take extra careful to avoid falls or head trauma as they are at increased risk for internal bleeding.</em><br /><br /><em>How long a heart with a single ventricle reconstruction can function is not known. The first children to have a successful Fontan operation are just now 30 years old and many improvements in surgical technique and medical management have occurred over this time period.</em><br /><br /><em>Late complications including irregular rhythms and heart failure may occur. Some speculate that most single ventricle hearts will not function efficiently beyond 30 to 40 years, but improvements in surgical technique and medical care may increase this age significantly. In some cases, if the ventricular function deteriorates significantly, heart transplantation may be considered. </em><em>Because of the possibility of late complications in patients with single ventricle anamoly, continued regular follow-up with a cardiologist for the life of a patient is essential.</em><br /><br /></div>So in all honesty, we don't know how long our little girls born with single ventricle disease will live. But who of us does know? What we do know is that they are amazing people and they deserve every good thing life has to offer, including a forever family. We also know our Li'l Miss has brought great joy and love to our family and occupies a place in our hearts that we never knew needed filing, and we don't doubt our Li'l Bit will do the same.<br /><br />We hope she is able to have the completed fontan circulation. We hope in the Lord ultimately for her future. He is the only Hope we have.<br /><br /><em>*I am cross-posting this from <a href="http://roomforatleastonemore.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/our-baby-girls-heart/">my blog</a>. There are so many children who wait with single ventricle heart disease. I hope by sharing more, others will come to a place of feeling led to take that leap and bring one of these amazing children home. In that regard, please email me (cljjs (at) yahoo (dot) com) or leave a comment if you know of children who wait with single ventricle heart disease. I'd love to advocate for them.</em>Lesliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06879841384249644425noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-34489214371347812262012-01-16T08:40:00.000-08:002012-01-16T08:40:08.207-08:00next shared listThe next shared list is set to be released on Tuesday, January 17th... before Chinese New Year! And that's wonderful news for all those families out there who are waiting!<br />
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Congratulations to <i>all</i> families in
the Special Needs program, whether you find your child on shared list,
the Special Focus list or an individual agency list... it's always
wonderful when children find their forever family!<br />
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If you have recently been matched with your special needs child, please feel free to share your news. We'd love to hear about your new little one!Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-6503799412730109392012-01-11T05:11:00.000-08:002012-01-11T05:13:10.798-08:00What we're reading Wednesday: linksFrom the last few weeks, some good stuff we've read that relates to adoption from China and/or parenting a special needs child from China.<br />
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As always, if you are a traveling family, or have posted something, or read something, that you'd like to share here on No Hands But Ours, please let us know at <i><a href="mailto:nohandsbutours@gmail.com">nohandsbutours@gmail.com</a></i>.<br />
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<b>From the news:</b><br />
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From the Nanfang Insider, a heart-breaking story of a <a href="http://www.thenanfang.com/blog/zhongshans-3yo-hiv-orphan-has-hopes-for-adoption/" target="_blank">3-year HIV+ old boy</a>,
who was abandoned at birth and found to be HIV+ a year later. He was
separated from the other children and now lives a life of solitude, with
hopes of being adopted one day.<br />
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<a href="http://apnews.myway.com/article/20111224/D9RQSRN00.html" target="_blank">In China, a daring few challenge one-child limit</a> (APNews) <span id="article"></span>by Alexa Olesen who tells the stories of several families in China who are trying to change the one-child policy. One desperate mother shares, <i>"I don't think I've committed any crime. A crime is something that hurts other people or society or that infringes on other people's rights. I don't think having a baby is any kind of crime." </i><br />
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Amy and Benjamin Root adopted baby Maisy from China with a special need of hairy nevus birthmark. They just celebrated the one year anniversary of the life-saving surgery she underwent to remove the potentially cancerous mark - and she has made <a href="http://newsok.com/abandoned-baby-survives-thrives-to-see-christmas/article/3634273" target="_blank">an amazing recovery</a>.<br />
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And an article from <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/travel/filling-the-empty-spaces-in-guangzhou-china/2011/12/06/gIQAIETVfP_story.html?tid=wp_ipad" target="_blank">The Washington Post about Guangzhou</a>,
the stopping place for all adoptive families before they exit China.
Lots to learn about this beautiful city, the third largest in all of
China.
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<b>From the bloggy world:</b><br />
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Sara, who blogs at <a href="http://footballandfriedrice.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Football and Fried Rice</a>, just came home with her second little one from China. And she shares what it <a href="http://footballandfriedrice.blogspot.com/2011/12/post-china-aftermath.html" target="_blank"><i>really</i> looks like</a> when you get home from an adoption trip.<br />
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Our very own <a href="http://roomforatleastonemore.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Wife of the Prez</a> shares about her littlest guy, and <a href="http://roomforatleastonemore.wordpress.com/2011/12/14/baha-part-1-lil-dude-hears/" target="_blank">his new BAHA hearing aid</a>. Adopted from China with a heart defect and cleft lip and palate, his hearing deficiency was an unknown need... but with the help of his BAHA, he can now hear in both ears.<br />
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Rachel, who blogs at <a href="http://kittensandladybugs.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Kittens and Ladybugs</a>, recounts her new son Jaidin's recent <a href="http://kittensandladybugs.blogspot.com/2011/12/jaidins-surgery-update-sunday-snapshot.html" target="_blank">cleft lip and palate surgery</a> - just weeks after coming home from China. <br />
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Maia, who blogs at <a href="http://uneenvie.blogspot.com" target="_blank">Une Envie de Sel</a>, recently shared a <a href="http://uneenvie.blogspot.com/2011/12/hurt-me-mommy-she-said-tonight.html" target="_blank">very profound conversation</a> with daughter Q, who came home from China with cleft lip and palate.<br />
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Kelley, who blogs at <a href="http://gazingupward.com/" target="_blank">Gazing Upward</a>, recently celebrated <a href="http://gazingupward.com/2011/12/six-months-with-caroline-liyun/" target="_blank">six months home</a> and a major breakthrough with her daughter, Caroline LiYun, 13.<br />
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Our beloved <a href="http://ourlittletongginator.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Tonggu Momma</a> answers some very pointed questions in her post <a href="http://ourlittletongginator.blogspot.com/2012/01/am-i-angry.html" target="_blank">"Am I Angry?" </a>regarding her new daughter, Squirt, and her recent medical scares. Although Squirt came home as a non-special needs child, she has since suffered from several unexplained seizures.<br />
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Branda, who blogs at <a href="http://www.daysmadeofnow.com" target="_blank">Days Made of Now</a>, shares a red-letter day in the life of parenting a child who was adopted as an 'older child'. Her daughter, ManYu, has made a big step in accepting her new family, and <a href="http://www.daysmadeofnow.com/2012/01/foster-parents.html" target="_blank">calls her mamma</a> for the very first time.<br />
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Liz, who blogs at <a href="http://www.learningpatience2.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Learning Patience</a>, recently came home with two little ones from China. She offers up her candid thoughts for anyone considering <a href="http://www.learningpatience2.blogspot.com/2011/12/my-thoughts-on-adopting-two-at-once.html" target="_blank">adopting two children at once</a>.<br />
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<b>Traveling Families:</b><br />
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And lastly, if you're like all of us around here, you'll want to take a
few moments (or hours!) and travel vicariously with these families
currently in China to bring home their kids.
<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.lilliefamily.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">The Lillie Family</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.linguineorlomein.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Linguini or Lo Mein</a></li>
</ul>Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-10118559241983782132012-01-07T10:46:00.000-08:002012-01-07T13:38:28.884-08:00An Anniversary, a Hope, and a VideoIt's been nearly two years since our youngest daughter had her last shot of PEG Interferon. Two years since we happily bid farewell to the sharps container and the alcohol wipes. Two years since we left behind the marathon naps and achy tummy and bloody noses. And two years since we learned that our daughter no longer tested positive for Hepatitis B.<br />
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Which brings me to the hope part of this anniversary. When our daughter began PEG, it was not approved for pediatric use with Hep B. Another type of interferon, Intron-A, had been used for many years with children, but not PEG, the extended release version of interferon that took the number of shots down from three times a week to only once a week. Although the convenience was a factor, the biggest reason we pushed for PEG was that our daughter's doctor felt that it might have a slight edge over Intron-A in achieving success. If we were going to spend a year doing shots, a year getting weekly blood tests; if we were going to inject our little girl with something that would make her feel sick, we wanted the very best stuff we could get our hands on. As it turned out, getting that PEG delivered to our door wasn't so easy. Because it wasn't FDA approved for Hep B, our insurance company said they wouldn't pay for it. Our doctor wasn't surprised and wrote a long letter explaining why our daughter's situation was unique and why she felt PEG was her best bet. The insurance company wouldn't budge. I looked into purchasing the PEG out-of-pocket. It would be $1,000.00 per shot, once a week, for a year. In addition, there would be the fees for the regular lab work, and unbeknownst to us at the time, another $700 per shot medication she would need sometimes up to 3 times a week to counteract some of the detrimental effects of the PEG. Out-of-pocket wasn't going to work. So I gathered all the information I could. In the dark den, illuminated by the glow of the computer screen, I spent many late nights taking notes on adult Hep B usage of PEG or on the safety of PEG used in pediatric cancer patients. I sent all the information to the insurance company and filed an appeal. <br />
<br />
With the appeal process, the insurance company sends the patient's information, and anything else the family wants to include, to another specialist in that field, one of their own choosing, and the decision is in the hands of the doctor. Within a week, I heard that our insurance company's decision had been overruled and that a refrigerated package of PEG would be arriving on our doorstep whenever we wanted it. I happily paid the monthly $35 copay.<br />
<br />
And now, in small part due to my daughter's success, doctors at major hospitals on the East and West coasts are recruiting children with Hep B for a research trial of PEG interferon. They plan to combine it with an oral antiviral, hoping that the lowered viral load will give the PEG the edge that it needs to wipe out the virus. I don't envy those parents or children the year of treatment. It's not fun. But I do hope and pray that when they pick up lab results at the end of that year, in the column where it says: Hep B Surface Antigen, next to it will be the blessed word NEGATIVE.<br />
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In honor of this anniversary, I wanted to re-post my <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfgD-YY3oSo" target="_blank">little girl's video</a>. She was 4 years old when she told her story. She sounds so babyish compared to her current 6 year-old self, but at the same time, I'm impressed with her maturity and strength. Always have been.<br />
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<center><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/NfgD-YY3oSo" width="420"></iframe> </center><br />
<br />Eileenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12149276733782997431noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-13209989458764378862012-01-01T07:00:00.000-08:002012-01-06T12:24:09.177-08:00Mankind is our business~Well Happy New Year! I don't know about you all, but I'm plumb dumb excited to jump into 2012 and see what the Lord has for us all! 2011 proved to be difficult in many ways for us and though we walked a road we didn't choose, we can look back and see the hand of God moving in our midst. I trust it will be no different this year.<br />
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My family has a long standing tradition that we all just adore. We live pretty close to a big city and each year, "A Christmas Carol" runs at the downtown theater from Thanksgiving till Christmas Eve. I can't tell you how many times we've all been. How we love this play! And the actors are simply phenomenal. Most return year after year to their roles. I absolutely love it. I picked up my old copy of it this Christmas to read too.</div>
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Each year, I walk away with more gratitude than the year before; and with deeper conviction. Have you ever noticed how these two are bed fellows?</div>
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<i>Gratitude</i> and <i>conviction</i>.</div>
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They go together like peas and carrots. </div>
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We weren't even supposed to see the play this year. Honestly, it's $44 a person and well, we have a baby boy in China to find and bring home. So even though I adore it, "A Christmas Carol" took a backseat in my financial plans. Usually, when times are good, my mom and dad treat us all {siblings, kids, friends} to a December evening at the theater. But money is tight all around and I told my dad to just do for he and mom. We could skip a year...no worries.</div>
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But I had a text waiting for me a few weeks ago after church. My dad said to call him asap. He told me that my mom was feeling bad and couldn't go to see the play with he and my siblings. A friend had also backed out at the last minute. My husband is a staff pastor {youth/education} at our church and had a million responsibilities that afternoon. So, I snagged my nine year old and we headed south to the <i>big city</i>. </div>
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Literally five minutes before exiting to the theater, my sister calls and said that the tickets were for last night. </div>
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$500 worth of tickets for <i>last night</i>. </div>
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I thought my dad may cry. But he went in to the ticket counter and they gladly placed us in other seats. We didn't sit all together like usual since the show was nearly sold out. But hey, we were in the theater! </div>
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The entire time, I sat there with a lump in my throat. Gratitude and conviction swirling in my head. Realizing that I had been placed in that chair for that day to hear those words being spoken to me. Sometimes you wonder, when unexpected things come your way if maybe you should stay the course because you're under fire or if you should simply relent because surely you are not on the right path. I wondered if there were some reason that all of these things, these details had come together so that I could be sitting in that theater. Church that morning had been rather emotional for me as we had been out of town the week before and this was the first time I had been to worship since Seth died. But there I was nonetheless watching the play unfold and entertaining these two beautiful and constant companions, <i>gratitude</i> and <i>conviction</i>. Gratitude for the countless blessings in my life and the undeniable peace we have felt in the midst of current storms. Conviction that so many others can't say the same. That people are wondering around with little, if any, hope to carry them. Children needing parents, parents needing to find a way to feed their babies or keep a roof over their head. </div>
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I could just about recite this play. I know when the best parts are and when the scary ones happen that I need to hold my baby's hand. I remember which songs they sing and when they come during the play. I love everything about it. It's familiar.</div>
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But this year, this afternoon, I saw it in a new way. I mean, I have always understood the meaning of "A Christmas Carol". I had just never been mourning during it. I've never been hurting when it rolls around. Sadness has not marked a Christmas for me like it has of late. And all I could think of was, to me, the most profound piece of the play. </div>
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You all know the story. Just after the onset, Marley's ghost visits Scrooge and they have a haunting conversation. It comes to a head like this, </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 100%; font-weight: 300; line-height: 21px;">'But you were always a good man of <i>business</i>, Jacob,' faltered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to himself.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 100%; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 100%; line-height: 21px;">'Business!' cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. '<i>Mankind was my business</i>. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!'</span></div>
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Isn't that so powerful? And this year, sitting in a packed theater with my sister on my left and my Sydney baby on the right, my thoughts drifted to China. And our Seth who now lives in Heaven. And the countless others who are left waiting for families and security and love. These beautiful, made in the image of God, children...who are our business.</div>
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Our attorney, who recently finalized 18 adoptions in just two days, said to me last Wednesday, "Kam, there is no shortage of orphans in this world." How depressing and true that statement is. </div>
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Are you like me?</div>
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I have so much that vies for my time and affection. So many things that steal my focus. Trinkets worth nothing that I selfishly place value on. Oh, that I; that we; would see the need to have a different perspective. That we would be awakened. That our hearts would be redeemed as Scrooge's was. May 2012 be a year that we would rise up and change the lives of the fatherless.</div>
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Because my friends, m<i>ankind IS our business</i>. And business is booming.<br />
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<a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/D_aVi9MoBMFL7LIKI5_YYdMTjNZETYmyPJy0liipFm0?feat=embedwebsite"><img height="427" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Luc9K2L2n9o/TvZ7-sfeDZI/AAAAAAAAF-c/Kd-wUSP8yto/s640/mankind%252520is%252520our%252520business-9937%252520copy%2525202.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-71296054678553047752011-12-20T20:25:00.000-08:002011-12-20T20:25:28.686-08:00next shared list... is being released tonight, December 20th.<br />
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What an amazing Christmas this just might be for many waiting families.<br />
<br />
Congratulations to <i>all</i> families in
the Special Needs program, whether you find your child on shared list,
the Special Focus list or an individual agency list... it's always
wonderful when children find their forever family!<br />Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-10407323009005681732011-12-20T07:30:00.000-08:002011-12-21T07:44:35.161-08:00The Undiagnosed Special NeedWell, out little Bing is home, and has been for the past three weeks or so. <a href="http://berzenji.blogspot.com/2011/12/it-only-took-5-children.html">And he is doing great (at least with me).</a><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KzN8_y-U-RI/TvH9Kz7itdI/AAAAAAAAHlA/97KLl15iHEA/s1600/DSC05636.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KzN8_y-U-RI/TvH9Kz7itdI/AAAAAAAAHlA/97KLl15iHEA/s320/DSC05636.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HI! I'm HOME! And I'm CUTE!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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For those who follow our Forever Family blog, you will know that Bing as some Special Needs.<br />
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When we got his referral, it stated that he did have Spinabifida. I know I've talked about Spinabifida time and time again, so I'm not going to cover it here. <br />
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Then, we found out two weeks before my Wife travelled to China to bring Bing home, that Bing had been <a href="http://berzenji.blogspot.com/2011/10/i-still-got-this.html">diagnosed with another Special Need</a> - Vitiligo. Which can be a minor cosmetic need, or a more severe auto-immune or thyroid condition. Again, I think I've covered Vitiligo a few times, so I'm going to move onto the 'Undiagnosed Special Need'<br />
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This 'Undiagnosed Special Need' is a rather bad one as well. It affects not only our little Bing, but the whole family. Not just our family, but it can affect almost everyone he has known. And in fact, there is no medicine to help, no surgical option and no guarantee that he will ever recover from it. And it is also the reason this post is a little late today... because I was dealing with it last night.<br />
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<i>What is it? Keep reading.</i><br />
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<b>Friend:</b> So how are things settling down with Bing?<br />
<b>Me:</b> Oh good. Better than expected.<br />
<b>Friend:</b> So he has stopped hitting your wife and likes her now?<br />
<b>Me:</b> I wouldn't say that. He gets along better with her.<br />
<b>Friend:</b> Hummmm... I wonder why.<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yea, I'm not sure...<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Wife: </b> WHY IS HE CRYING?<br /><b>Me: </b> I DON'T KNOW! LET ME TRY TO ASK HIM!<br /><i>*I turn to the 'Screaming Wonder'(tm)*</i><b>Me:</b> WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!<br /><b>Wife:</b> ASK HIM IN CHINESE!<br /><b>Me: </b> Oh, right. 为什么你哭了?<br /><b>Bing:</b> 我的妈妈回来!<br /><b>Me:</b> He wants his Mom to come get him.<br /><b>Wife:</b> WHAT?!<br /><b>Me: </b> HE WANTS HIS MOM!<br /><b>Wife:</b> I AM HIS MOM!<br /><b>Me:</b> HIS OTHER MOM! THE ONE HE KNEW HIS WHOLE LIFE. HIS FOSTER MOM! BOY CAN HE EVER CRY LOUD!<br /><b>Wife: </b> WHAT?<i><br /></i></blockquote>
<b>Me:</b> Yea, can't figure it out. I wish he would give me a clue or something.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Me:</b> Why is his shirt covered in blood?<br /><b>Wife: </b> Because he got a nose bleed he was crying so hard.<br /><b>Me:</b> But he stopped crying!<br /><b>Wife:</b> Oh... just wait a second... he will start again.<br /><b>Me:</b> 你好炎兵!<br /><b>Bing: </b> <i>*incoherent babbling*</i> 爸爸 <i>*more babbling*</i> 飞机 <i>*babbling*</i> 回来!<i>*begins crying again*</i><b>Wife:</b> What is he saying.<br /><b>Me:</b> Something about an airplane, and his Dad.<i><br /></i></blockquote>
<b>Friend:</b> Do you think it is because your wife is the one who took him away from China?<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yea, maybe. Bing had been in the same foster home since he was 20 days old. So really, the foster family were his mother and father. I don't think a two year old understands the concept of "foster".<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Bing's Foster Sister (BFS):</b> We all miss Bing very much.<br /><b>Me:</b> I know. He misses you all as well.<br /><b>BFS:</b> I catch his Mom, everyday she looks at his picture you sent us and she cries.<i><br /></i></blockquote>
<br />
Now, I am no Doctor. But when I was younger, I liked playing one. I am however, a Father. And as such, I feel I am distinctly qualified to diagnose our sons 'undiagnosed special need'. See, our son is suffering from a Broken Heart.<br />
<br />
No, no CVT Valve, or holes in the muscle problems. Those are different... those types of Special Needs are commonly diagnosed as Heart Defects.<br />
<br />
My son has a fine heart. No defects. It is however, simply broken.<br />
<br />
And as his Heart continues to Break... so to do the hearts of his new Mother and new Father. His new brothers and sisters hurt for him, and his Foster Family back in Taiyuan miss him greatly and their hearts are breaking as well.<br />
<br />
I have seen Broken Hearts render even the strongest man distraught and useless. I have seen Broken Hearts take years to heal, if ever at all.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there is no surgery to fix his condition.<br />
Time is often considered to be a healing factor... but time can also cause the pain to worsen.<br />
I have no medicine.<br />
No crutches.<br />
No words to soften the pain.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Cfn6etMvWEc/TvH9MIR0IXI/AAAAAAAAHlI/qjglyiVseuo/s1600/DSC05646.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Cfn6etMvWEc/TvH9MIR0IXI/AAAAAAAAHlI/qjglyiVseuo/s320/DSC05646.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cuddles help... its like Tylenol(tm) for a Broken Heart</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I have two arms strong enough to hold him when he cries, and a heart big enough to love him while he hurts... but I can not fix this Special Need.<br />
<br />
I really wish they would list this special need on the Adoption Reports. Maybe it would help prepare the parents of these hurting children so we can better help and understand them. Give them more grace when they cry, and more patience when they push us away.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UUkPksHIgP8/TvH9NlzrzkI/AAAAAAAAHlQ/cwPQ1VZHlfk/s1600/DSC05649.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UUkPksHIgP8/TvH9NlzrzkI/AAAAAAAAHlQ/cwPQ1VZHlfk/s320/DSC05649.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hope, as one Broken Hearted child continues to heal her<br />broken heart, she can pass encouragement onto the others</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
And if you DO have a child who is suffering from a Broken Heart, you are not alone. I think almost everyone has had a Broken Heart at least once in their life. :-)<br />
<br />
And always remember the words of the highly regarded Rick Astleys, who obviously was trying to overcome someone else's broken heart, their doubt in love and dealing with a difficult past in love. His words continue to help young people overcome Broken Hearts even today (20ish years after his initial writings were released):<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Never gonna give you up<br />Never gonna let you down<br />Never gonna run around and desert you<br />Never gonna make you cry<br />Never gonna say goodbye<br />Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you</blockquote>
<br />Adrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11365420448257625349noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-83530969442544888012011-12-14T18:32:00.000-08:002011-12-14T18:32:39.398-08:00What We're Reading Wednesday: LinksNicole, from <a href="http://www.chrystfamily.com/" target="_blank">the Chryst Family blog</a>, shares about '<a href="http://www.chrystfamily.com/2011/12/we-said-yes.html" target="_blank">Saying Yes</a>' to adopt daughter Brooklyn six months ago. She also details much that has transpired since: traveling to China, a cleft-lip surgery, and falling madly in love with their little girl.<br />
<br />
Jaime, from <a href="http://hopewritten.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Hope Written</a>, chronicles her daughter Elisyn's journey since arriving home with a <a href="http://hopewritten.blogspot.com/search/label/CHD" target="_blank">severe heart defect.</a> It's been over 50 days since Elisyn's <a href="http://hopewritten.blogspot.com/2011/10/we-have-all-witnessed-miracle.html" target="_blank">open-heart surgery</a> and it continues to be a very difficult road. Please take a moment to visit Jaime's blog and offer a word of encouragement!<br />
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Kelly, who blogs at <a href="http://www.myoverthinking.com/" target="_blank">I Overthink Everything</a>, shares about the struggles of choosing the healthiest way to <a href="http://www.myoverthinking.com/2011/10/spitting-and-hitting-and-all-that.html" target="_blank">discipline her adopted daughter,</a> and that disciplining a biological child is very different from disciplining a child with a history of abandonment.<br />
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Friend and advocate Annie, who blogs at <a href="http://cornbreadandchopsticks.blogspot.com/2011/12/why.html" target="_blank">Cornbread and Chopsticks</a>,
retells the story of Xiaoyun, a little one with scoliosis that Annie
advocated for on her site as she was very close to aging out. Well,
Xiaoyun is now home and you positively must listen to her <a href="http://elliourgiftfromgod.blogspot.com/p/xiaoyun-speaks.html" target="_blank">share her story</a> in her own incredibly special words.<br />
<br />
Our own <a href="http://www.faithfamilyadoption.com/" target="_blank">Kam</a>, who very recently lost her son Seth to his severe heart defect as he waited in China, shares about the <a href="http://www.faithfamilyadoption.com/2011/12/one.html" target="_blank">sorrow of losing her son</a>, one month later.<br />
<br />
Danielle, who blogs at <a href="http://westhavenkids.com/" target="_blank">Westhaven Kids</a>, chronicles the <a href="http://www.westhavenkids.com/node/3277" target="_blank">medical journey</a> for her son, Asher, who has bilateral upper limb differences. Asher also suffered from <a href="http://www.westhavenkids.com/node/3277" target="_blank">undisclosed developmental delays</a>, but has made <a href="http://www.westhavenkids.com/node/3258" target="_blank">rapid gains</a> in a very short time. Way to go, Asher!<br />
<br />
And lastly, if you're like all of us around here, you'll want to take a
few moments (or hours!) and travel vicariously with these folks
currently in China to bring home their kids.<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">There's No Place Like Home</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.stopforflowers.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Stop and Smell the Flowers </a></li>
<li><a href="http://planetlinden.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Planet Linden </a></li>
<li><a href="http://mugsyboo.typepad.com/" target="_blank">MugsyBoo</a></li>
<li><a href="http://thesmallsadventures.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">The Smalls Adventures</a></li>
</ul>
<i>If you have posted something, or read something, you'd like to share here on No Hands But Ours, please let us know. Email us at <a href="mailto:nohandsbutours@gmail.com">nohandsbutours@gmail.com</a>.</i><br />Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-43297697414436887312011-12-11T14:36:00.000-08:002011-12-11T14:36:11.492-08:00Ambly-what?<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3tPwZTp-0X8/TuUsA7lWHLI/AAAAAAAANgw/lPD9QtlN5FE/s1600/dino.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3tPwZTp-0X8/TuUsA7lWHLI/AAAAAAAANgw/lPD9QtlN5FE/s640/dino.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><br />
A few months ago we assumed that our oldest son had perfectly good vision.<br />
<br />
Then I took him to his yearly check at the pediatrician's office. He rocked out the vision chart using both eyes, and then again with his left eye. But when it came time for his right eye, he just giggled and shrugged his shoulders. The nurse got ready to write "uncooperative" on his report, but something about the look on his face told me he was serious. So I pressed for her to continue testing him. <br />
<br />
After several minutes of him saying that he couldn't see the letters, I was pretty much blindsided by the result. He couldn't even read the 20/200 line, putting him at legally blind without corrective lenses. We had no idea.<br />
<br />
Next stop was the opthamologist to have a full vision exam. End result, 20/25 in his left eye and somewhere around 20/250 in his right. <br />
<br />
Glasses were prescribed and we were to come back in 30 days to see if they alone would correct the problem. <br />
<br />
We went back. They didn't. While there was some improvement ~ he could now see at 20/150 in his "helper eye" ~ his vision was still drastically unbalanced. <br />
<br />
That was the day I first heard the term <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002009/">amblyopia</a>. Not life threatening for sure, but still, without treatment the brain simply stops trying to decipher signals from the weaker eye. Over time, irreversible damage occurs. The ideal time to begin treatment is before age 5, and doctors seem to agree that if amblyopia goes undetected past age 10 that it is too late for vision to be corrected. <br />
<br />
(And I was really put out with myself when I went back and checked his previous well visit reports. Each year for vision before the nurse had simply written "uncooperative." We perhaps could have started correction for his condition a year before...)<br />
<br />
Thankfully I haven't had to kick myself too hard. After five weeks of wearing an eye patch "all waking hours," his vision has improved drastically. He went from 20/150 to 20/50. His opthamologist thinks that by the end of this next five weeks that my sweetie may be totally done with his patches. <br />
<br />
Until then though, we have two patchers in our house. While neither one of them are crazy about loss of periphery vision, anything you can share with your virtual twin makes it more bearable...<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JlfoCXO3oqc/TuUs9dMt3wI/AAAAAAAANg4/7cJ0rHnX5-E/s1600/patches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JlfoCXO3oqc/TuUs9dMt3wI/AAAAAAAANg4/7cJ0rHnX5-E/s400/patches.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
**End note ~ we've since had a full eye exam for our oldest daughter and have one scheduled soon for our newest addition. The US National Library of Medicine recommends that all children should have a complete eye examination at least once between the ages of 3 and 5. With two kids who came home with undisclosed vision issues, now I'm a believer.**Kristihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01233594585633157052noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-71658202608591923442011-12-09T18:31:00.000-08:002012-02-01T09:43:09.798-08:00brand spankin' new~<div style="font-family: 'Walkway SemiBold';">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">I really can't decide where to begin. Being new here fills me with a million questions. None of which really matter to anyone but me! Still, I don't want this "Hello" post to be about me or us or our family. But I just think it could come across rude to just pop in like I've been here forever. It feels like I have though. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">Over the last week, I've worked my way through many contributors' posts and I've gotten to know your hearts. I've wept for you and with you. My spirit has rejoiced with yours. I've laughed out loud at you and because of you. I've confiscated my husband's Macbook and read your posts to him through downright belly giggles and at times, tears streaming. You've made your way into my heart through your words. And I'm really, really happy to be part of you. A teeny tiny new part of the No Hands But Ours community. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">If you're wondering who I am or what we're about, you'll find the full skinny <a href="http://faithfamilyadoption.com/" target="_blank">here</a>. The abbreviated version will do nicely though. In short {not really}, I'm a mama to two precious daughters by birth {current ages 11 and 9} and a Thai Tornado of a son {age 5}. My husband and I celebrated 15 years of blissful marriage last week. We live in the Southeast US where he serves as a youth and education pastor. I left the world of working with surgeons in Labor and Delivery ten years ago to be home with our first daughter and haven't looked back since. We have a wonderful {for us!} school situation in which our children attend a private Christian school on Monday's and Wednesdays and we home school the three remaining days. We are under the authority umbrella of the school {it's not a co-op situation}. So the school choses curriculum, degreed teachers teach all classes, etc. We as parents carry out assignments on home days and fill in gaps of teaching them one on one. This is our third year and we absolutely love it. I'm also a part time photographer. I began my business in the hopes of helping adopting families offset financial strains during the process to bring home their children. The Lord has blessed it and we are grateful. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">I will say, I've been drawn to adoption all my life. Strangely though, until adulthood, I never knew anyone who had been adopted nor anyone who had adopted. It may be more accurate to say, I've always been drawn to orphans. I remember listening to an old 33 LP album of Disney's "The Rescuers" over and over and over as a small child. I wanted to go in and rescue Penney like the two little mice were. I was angry at the dreadful Gogans in "Pete's Dragon". And my heart broke over and over again the hundreds of times I watched "Annie". I also begged my parents for an Xavier Roberts authentic "Adoption Doll" {now the everyday version is Cabbage Patch Kids} in the early 80's. Gosh. I'm so old. I was in the 1st grade and remember in detail going to the specialty store {the only local place where these dolls were sold}, standing before the owner of the store, and raising my right hand in promise that I would care for her and love her. Then, I signed the official adoption papers in my best 7 year old penmanship. The fact that I was adopting her filled my heart with joy. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">I won't go into all of the details here because really, who has the time!?! And it's so detailed on our family blog...but the Lord changed our lives when our son came home in 2009. We began to understand Him in a different way. We were living out the Gospel in a completely new way. New to us anyway. The adoption of His people has been the heart of God, even since the foundation of the world. It was never His plan B. It was always THE plan, in full force before we ever fluttered in our mom's bellies or gasped for our first breath. And the adoption of orphans has more Biblical parallels than I can fathom. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">We saw our son's picture in a waiting child catalog that came in the mail from our agency. He had several special needs at the time but in God's goodness, many were resolved before we traveled to Thailand for him. No one would even know the hurdles and tragedy that he endured during the first year of his life now...he is a happy and healthy and I must say, beautiful little boy inside and out. We are completely blessed. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">Earlier this year, at the leading of the Lord, we began a second adoption for a son from China. We named him Seth and fell quickly and madly in love. He had five heart defects {ToF + a minor defect} as well as a radial club right hand. One month to the day after receiving PA from China, we received the devastating news on November 14th that Seth had died. It has been such a difficult and blessed three short weeks that we have walked. I wouldn't wish this loss on anyone. But the outpouring of love and support and prayers has been overwhelming. And has only solidified our desire and resolve to bring home a China heart baby boy. Seth's story lives on and the Lord is using his albeit short, but precious life, to do amazing things.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">Again, I'm blessed by you all and I hope that in some way, I can be an encouragement to you as we step out in faith once again onto this risky adoption road. My prayer is that anything I write here will shine a huge spotlight on Jesus and not on myself; that others would see the precious privilege and joy of changing orphans into sons and daughters and that through it all, our lives would live up to the great calling we all have to love and care for the fatherless. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">Merry Christmas new friends!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">For His fame alone~</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 100%;">Kam</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-11510786721626214022011-12-07T09:03:00.001-08:002011-12-07T09:55:25.209-08:00Only a Mama<br />
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<br />
Last week, our 4 year-old son, XiXi had just had his bath, was in his favorite pair of monster jammies, and smelled of that wonderful combination of shampoo and toothpaste. I was tucking his blanket around him when he brought up China. He's only been home eight months, but very rarely mentions anything at all about his years in the Kunming orphanage. "In China," he said, "one night I have to go potty, but NO get out of bed. No, no, no." With each "no" he wagged his chubby little finger back and forth, indicating that getting out of bed was definitely against the rules. <br />
<br />
"What happened?" I asked gently. "Did you wet the bed?" <br />
"No," he answered. "I cry and cry and an ayi come and take me to the potty." <br />
Always happy to grasp onto moments of love and kindness coming from the orphanage, I said, "That was so nice of Ayi. I'm glad she did that. I bet when she took you back to bed, she tucked you in, gave you a kiss on the head, and said, 'Goodnight, XiXi.'" <br />
He pouted and shook his head. "No," he said. Then the corners of his mouth turned up in a grin. "Only a Mama do that."<br />
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I swelled with love for our son and thanked God not only for XiXi's presence in our home but also for the reminder that there is nothing more important on my agenda than tucking in that little four year-old boy.</div>Eileenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12149276733782997431noreply@blogger.com6