tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post84857048208995932..comments2023-08-23T05:17:47.225-07:00Comments on No Hands But Ours: the blog: Parenting Special Needs - Real LifeStefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-9611817057197480832010-05-24T20:33:41.907-07:002010-05-24T20:33:41.907-07:00Linn, thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry tha...Linn, thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry that things didn't work out for Uncle Mark to live with you and your precious family. I'm sad to hear that there were so many difficulties and challenges with him in your home. Praying for all of you!! <br />♥ you guys!<br />JRJRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13332099715729058891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-76936857487578824312010-05-22T12:59:46.515-07:002010-05-22T12:59:46.515-07:00Great post! Very good insight!Great post! Very good insight!We Are Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00799374786076387438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-43781146272493983632010-05-19T05:19:44.515-07:002010-05-19T05:19:44.515-07:00Oh, Linny, thanks for sharing this. It breaks my h...Oh, Linny, thanks for sharing this. It breaks my heart that you have been going through this. You've had such a brave front on your other blog that I had no idea how devastating things had gotten.<br /><br />We have a family friend who had a son who was also mentally challenged. I think the mom felt somehow it was her fault that her son was disabled and indulged him as well. Not only was it not healthy for the son, the other children (all now grown) resented her and their brother because he got so much/they got so little of mom's care and attention.<br /><br />Your story is not only a great reminder for those of us parenting children with SNs, but for parents in general. We live in an age of wanting to make things too easy for our kids. It's so easy for families to become child-centered, instead of family-centered and God-centered. Catering to our children to the point that we are even afraid to discipline them. They grow up to be adults who are lazy, selfish, anti-God. Sadly I've seen this firsthand with extended family. Your discription of what happened when a child was allowed to be the center of the universe is a sobering reminder for all parents.<br /><br />I know you are feeling defeat and disappointment that things didn't work out with Mark. Perhaps this was a hard lesson on the right way to parent your children with SN. (So interesting that you got this lesson shortly after Jubilee came home.) I also think this was an Abraham and Isaac kind of test. You have shown that you are on the mountaintop with it all laid on the altar--your family, your home, your comfort, your future. God sent a ram in the thicket and provided another option for Mark. <br /><br />I'm praying for rest and healing for you and your family in the months ahead.<br /><br />Much Love,<br />KathieGoodness and Mercy Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00347652142463308256noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-51451856080804824062010-05-18T05:34:47.151-07:002010-05-18T05:34:47.151-07:00REALLY well said, Linny. And it's not a pleasa...REALLY well said, Linny. And it's not a pleasant subject to bring up, but SO needs to be addressed! Kids don't stay kids for long and it's OUR responsibility as their parents to help them learn to be Christ-like ~ serving others instead of expecting to be served ;)<br />Thank you for sharing from such a difficult personal experience... your perspective is invaluable!Stefaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-91593544628361797442010-05-17T13:23:45.575-07:002010-05-17T13:23:45.575-07:00The way I figure it is this. If you assume someone...The way I figure it is this. If you assume someone is flawed or unable, you do nothing to encourage them to be that way. If you assume someone is able (within physical capabilities), then they will become so, if they are taught so from the ground up.<br /><br />I am so sorry that this long dream turned into a nightmare. I hope that the change will make you able to enjoy some time with him later down the road, in visits, so that things work better. And you are right; so many people need to be reminded of this. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17782893568754312455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-3850008525156090802010-05-17T10:01:13.232-07:002010-05-17T10:01:13.232-07:00As a mom to a young adult woman born with Down Syn...As a mom to a young adult woman born with Down Syndrome, I agree. We have always expected our daughter to do chores, etc. We had the same behavior expectations for her that we had for our other children. As a result we have a wonderful 23 year old daughter that tries hard and is a sweet young woman that loves Jesus and looks for ways to serve. She can't do some things, but what she can do, she does to the best of her ability! As parents, we should expect and train our children to do the best that they can no matter what their abilities or disabilites may be.Judihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05560507103373379561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-47470152438339916422010-05-17T08:14:30.338-07:002010-05-17T08:14:30.338-07:00Oh Linny I know this whole experience has been he...Oh Linny I know this whole experience has been heartbreaking for you. You will always know that you tried and the circumstances were out of yuor control. Imagine how relieved your littles are that they need not be afraid anymore. My tohgts and prayers are with you!!!<br />Hugs<br />Kathiesierrasmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07325423303969796040noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-48875058498556759672010-05-16T08:48:27.103-07:002010-05-16T08:48:27.103-07:00I have always felt that no matter what- children s...I have always felt that no matter what- children should be treated as equal and responsible members of the family. NO. Matter. What. Everyone has an ability level, everyone can pitch in. <br />There are people, who are close to me, in my life who do not agree. These same people are already thinking of ways to treat my son differently when he comes home. He has a cleft palate. Ummm, what "special" treatment does he need? None. He gets treated exactly like my daughter. End of story.<br />Thank you for writing this. I know it must have been hard, but you are right, it needs to be said.Michalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09869212261483706065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-23619298927327606552010-05-15T20:01:55.331-07:002010-05-15T20:01:55.331-07:00Linny, Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for wh...Linny, Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for what you have been through. And sorry your dream didn't work out. What a profound thought that can be applied to so many areas of our lives.<br /><br />I wanted to share in brief that what you say is so true about NOT treating children with different abilities like Mark was … spoiled in a word.<br /><br />WE have a cousin who was born with Downs Syndrome. She is now 30 years old. She is a HARD worker, and has always worked to her ability. She was so popular and loved as the greeter at a local Sh*ney's restaurant that the customers were in tears when she had to finally quit since her back is in very bad shape. But she never complains and is always so grateful and the MOST LOVING PERSON I've ever met on this planet.<br /><br />Your post speaks volumes about how important our role as parents is … . Thank you again and hugs to you and your family.Wife of the Pres.https://www.blogger.com/profile/18325629674978160122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-29907445864995546852010-05-15T18:25:16.584-07:002010-05-15T18:25:16.584-07:00How very insightful. Thank you so much for sharing...How very insightful. Thank you so much for sharing this, Linny.a Tonggu Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01365812914466181060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-65268380667725475462010-05-15T16:22:08.346-07:002010-05-15T16:22:08.346-07:00Thank you for this great bit of honesty. I have a ...Thank you for this great bit of honesty. I have a twin brother (39 yrs) who has CP and is profoundly developmentally delayed. So this strikes a chord with me...growing up my family saw many other families with special needs kids (even mild special needs) allowing their child to hit, bite and pretty much terrorize their homes, schools & neighborhoods. I believe a lot of it is based in a false sense of guilt. Sadly, this leniency can destroy families and can set up the special needs individual for a very hard life after their parents have passed away. When my brother reached around age 11 or 12 he began to rage at the rest of us. He is non-verbal and at that time he had a very hard time controlling his anger due to his changing body and emotions. (He is very routine oriented and dare I say "Rainman-esque"? In other words he is easily angered when he doesn't have his rigid expectations met.) As a family we had to band together to teach him how to handle his frustrations w/o hurting others. Needless to say I am so thankful my parents understood that it would only be to his benefit to teach him how to function in a family- rather than allow him to see the rest of us as people who existed only serve him, pity him and eventually live as his victims. He has also been taught how to do simple chores and is expected to do for himself what he can do. It's not always easy but it's always more loving to teach them what we can and empower them to function to the best of their ability in the community!Lillie's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13374496960448110245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-14298062604180746952010-05-15T10:49:12.166-07:002010-05-15T10:49:12.166-07:00Oh, Linny, amen, amen, amen! My dad passed away i...Oh, Linny, amen, amen, amen! My dad passed away in 2004, mom in 2007. My sister is 33, MMR, vision and hearing impaired, and cp... Mom kept my sister at home (went to a day job at the ARC) and didn't really train her or expect too much out of her. Well, she was expected to be at mom's beck and call, but wasn't taught how to do stuff. We had her living here with us right after mom's death, then moved her back to the "family" home with sitters during the week and here on weekends. We finally had to stop that too. She was often annoyed at the children and had a hard time understanding that they were kids.... She raised her hand several times at my children--ummmm, NO WAY! She really didn't do chores or would act put out. It was a hard and guilt ridden process, but it is now the BEST thing we could have done all the way around. She lives in a subsidized apartment complex for mentally and physically handicapped people. She works at a new ARC. She also has a busy social life now!! LOL She bowls, goes to activities with her home health agency that oversees her caretakers and bills (AMEN!), and goes out to dinner every Friday night with friends. She is happy, the stress is off me, and she seems to enjoy her short visits now. All is good! I think you have done the best thing for your family. Thanks for sharing this message. It is one that really needs telling! God bless!Charlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11267907848471068163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-7867588965878337072010-05-15T10:01:41.021-07:002010-05-15T10:01:41.021-07:00Linny,
I follow your other blog, so I know how ju...Linny, <br />I follow your other blog, so I know how just how excited you were to have Mark come join your family, and I can imagine how hard this has all been. Thank you for your comments on raising a special needs child with the "long view" in mind! Our son (from China) is deaf, and we work hard to make sure we expect the same things from him that we do from our daughter. You are right, we are not doing our children any favors by "coddling" them, special needs or not! My hope is that our son will grow up to love the Lord and to love others, and I know that we are laying the groundwork for that with each choice we make in parenting.<br />My prayers are with you and your family as you walk through this challenging time with Mark.<br />In Christ,<br />CarlaCarlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08434871980981925136noreply@blogger.com