tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post4463354693845350739..comments2023-08-23T05:17:47.225-07:00Comments on No Hands But Ours: the blog: Denying the Homeland...Stefaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-75094330390667556622009-12-13T20:06:08.849-08:002009-12-13T20:06:08.849-08:00Hearing their native language can be a trauma trig...Hearing their native language can be a trauma trigger for some kids, just something else to think about. It's not just that they are trying to fit in & embrace everything American. Hearing Mandarin stirs up scary feelings, a traumatic event in their lives (being taken from everything/everyone they knew). I had every intention of keeping the Chinese language in my daughters life, but it was just too upsetting for her. We are keeping our options open but for now we have stopped the dvds, the cds, and the Mandarin-learning playdates. She needs some more healing first.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12029935696637532026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-43482816911809599702009-12-13T11:01:31.911-08:002009-12-13T11:01:31.911-08:00i am speechless... such a beautiful post kimberley...i am speechless... such a beautiful post kimberley. and you wonder... how will this change as she grows and matures? how will she come back to her heritage over and over, and will she yearn for it? my guess is yes.<br /><br />thanks for sharing this.kitchuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03907460384010952009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-36824279866705400682009-11-30T07:26:09.299-08:002009-11-30T07:26:09.299-08:00Beautiful post!! Thank you!Beautiful post!! Thank you!Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10406486405095448755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-80575998865502948502009-11-25T13:52:51.026-08:002009-11-25T13:52:51.026-08:00You post brought back so many memories for me. My...You post brought back so many memories for me. My girls were 1 when they left China and moved into our family. But there were distinct times that they embraced and then shunned anything to do with China. They have both lost the language, but due to bonding issues getting them into a class early was not something we could do, then both of them adamantly declared they did not want to attend Chinese classes. Now, 7 and 5 years later, they both say they want to start learning Chinese and they both proudly proclaim to anyone who will listen that they come from China. I am sure we will experience a change again and they may reject Chinese things again. It saddens me that they feel they have to choose, that there is such pressure to fit in. All I can do is pray that I can provide what they need to learn to integrate the 2 parts of their past into a healthy, confident adult.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-13769593620012066912009-11-24T16:42:07.349-08:002009-11-24T16:42:07.349-08:00It really breaks my heart to think of our children...It really breaks my heart to think of our children must endure to make the transition into their adoptive families. My hope is that they will someday come to fully embrace who they are: Chinese and American.<br />Thanks for sharing this insight you've encountered with your sweet Sophia.Stefaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15929186829748543826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-59328812845774568552009-11-24T09:49:06.593-08:002009-11-24T09:49:06.593-08:00My daughter was younger when she came home, but in...My daughter was younger when she came home, but initially she loved to hear Mandarin. A couple of months later, we were at a park and I saw a Chinese mother who was speaking Mandarin to her daughter. I approached her and asked if she wouldn't mind speaking Mandarin to my little girl because I was sure she'd love to hear it. This sweet woman said she'd be happy to and smiled at Maya and spoke just a few sentences in Mandarin. She only got a few sentences in because Maya broke out in hysterical sobs. I'd never seen her react that way to anything. She clung to me and buried her head in my shoulder and refused to look at the Chinese woman. The interaction had not gone as planned!<br /><br />To this day, three years later, she still wants nothing to do with the Mandarin language. It's only been recently that she doesn't attach herself to me like velcro when she's around Chinese women. Chinese men and Chinese children don't seem to scare her, but Chinese women almost always elicit a fear reaction. <br /><br />Our International Adoption pediatrician told us that Maya's reaction is not at all unusual. She said that adopted children, when choosing to embrace their new life, usually push away the old life and anything associated with it. She said it's a coping technique. The two lives are so dissimilar that they're very difficult to mesh. <br /><br />I expect that as she gets older, she'll want to know more about her life in China. Right now, she's happy where she is and would prefer to leave the past untouched.Eileenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12149276733782997431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-18007562774577527552009-11-24T05:02:08.915-08:002009-11-24T05:02:08.915-08:00This was a beautiful post, Kimberley. I've fel...This was a beautiful post, Kimberley. I've felt much the same as I've watched Cheeky become Americanized. She has not denied her homeland yet but perhaps that will happen one day. <br /><br />I think you are a wise mother to allow Sophia to move into her new life at her own pace and in her own way. Right now, she feels she must turn away from her homeland to embrace her new life. I think in time that will change. <br /><br />Cheeky still loves Eli, BTW. We were looking through China photos the other day, and she pointed to his picture and told me she misses him. :o)Shirlee McCoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10662958794531584917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1812829745872292085.post-70233293955419971742009-11-23T18:17:17.786-08:002009-11-23T18:17:17.786-08:00I think this is a very profound post. It is the r...I think this is a very profound post. It is the reality of what all of us will eventually face as international adoptive parents. I see both sides. I understand her wanting to embrace the culture that now surrounds her in order to fit in and feel like she really belongs...yet it also makes my heart sink to know the harsh reality of that, and that she is letting go of her homeland cultures. I think in time, the key is to find balance. To continue to embrace where she came from and adopt some of her native traditions, while allowing her to truly become part of your family in the way she desires. I have yet to walk a mile in those shoes, but I've learned so much from those of you who have gone before me. Thank you for your honesty and sharing this heart-felt story. <br /><br />Blessings and Hugs,<br />~ TanyaTanyaLeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06273839306382041488noreply@blogger.com