February 9, 2012


I am going to try and help you understand something that may SEEM a bit odd, but I am finding it occurs more and more these days and before you get knocked over w/ the EMOTION of it perhaps I can make you aware of it, so that is can be ignored ...

One of the many blessings of parenting a sweet SN angel is the sisterhood of amazing mothers, grand-mothers, aunts, and siblings that I have met along the way that understand my life and have given so much encouragement and prayer ... There is an instant connection of the heart because of the journey we are on together  ... Let's be honest ---many days and nights are BEYOND hard ... Healing a child whether physical or emotional can be draining on a family emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially, yet there is NOTHING we would trade for this journey we are on ... We see GOD so much clearer in everyday life ... We see HIM in the big and small things of our day ... We bask in HIS mighty arms when we are at therapy, at the hospital, up in the middle of the night, etc ... HE is our anchor !!!

So here is the kicker and the thing to be IGNORED or JUST LET IT ROLL OFF YOUR SHOULDER ... When someone who hasn't parented a sweet SN angel, but wants to give you unsolicited advice just fall into your place of grace ... Or when someone says they were going to adopt SN, but God gave them (what the world would call) a healthy child instead and they want to give you advice then just keep on walking to your place of grace ...  The INTENT to do something and the ACTION of doing it is two different things ... I want you to know that when people are looking into your life and they think they understand (WHEN THEY DON'T) then you just need to ignore it and keep on going ... You are strong and equipped w/ the LORD and don't ever let their second guesses or their advice distract you from the JOY of your life ...  You may feel like you are on display at times and that gives people the right to GIVE THEIR 2 cents worth, but I disagree and I feel like it is becoming somewhat of an epidemic in adoption circles ... Ignoring it and not feeding into the drama of it is the best way to move on and not let it creep into your heart ... It can sometimes make us feel inadequate or like we aren't doing all we can, but in reality HEALING takes time and when people are looking in they are measuring most of your life by the WORLD's standards and that is no way to go about the journey ... YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S BIGGEST CHEERLEADER - so don't ever let anyone coax you into traveling this road any other way, but with the Lord ..

The need for people to want to help you FIX your child is a natural instinct and most mean well, but you may need to politely let them know the best help they can give is by praying for your family ... ALL of our children are fearfully and wonderfully made by the LORD and no matter what their unique make-up or life experiences up until they joined your family they are PERFECT in the sight of the LORD ... And the journey to HEALING is a GOD journey, but the journey of FIXING is a worldly journey ...

So not matter what the intentions (whether kind or nosey) from others just pull out your GRACE and keep on GLOWING AND GLORIFYING in the LORD !!!

blessings !!!  Gwen Oatsvall (Oatsvallteam.blogspot.com)


  1. HERE! HERE! I have been so encouraged by the fellow-adoptive moms I've had the pleasure to know - for they all "get it" and whether their child has a visible special need or not, they know the walk in such a different way, that added layer that sometimes I so need. And "that place of grace?" I need that more often - and am so blessed to be connected in with some BTDT moms who can lead me there to His refuge by their word and their example. SOOOO beautifully written!!!

  2. Thank you for this! Just what I needed to read today. I know a few particular people who it seems their mission in life to try to help me understand "the truth" about EVERYTHING. Glad I am not the only one. Thanks for the encouragement! :)

  3. Thank you for the reminder to be THANKFUL for the sisters who are on this road with us!

    And for the reminder to be GRACEFUL to those who simply do not understand.

    LOVE this line especially "...just pull out your GRACE and keep on GLOWING AND GLORIFYING in the LORD!!"

  4. Well said - and important to hold on to the fact that 99% of the 'helpful ones' are coming from their heart - honestly trying to help!

    there's just a difference between giving you what YOU need, and giving you what I think you need!

    Kinda like giving a hungry man a glass of water, nice, but food would be better! ;)

    Brilliantly written -

  5. Amen and amen!! Thank you for this reminder!

  6. Incredible post and so, so true. Thanks for the reminder!