October 18, 2011

A Valid Question Further Explained

My Mom called before 8 a.m. wanting more details after reading this post.

I don't *think* she was mad when I refused to answer a specific question.

Let me just say my Mom is one of the coolest and most awesome ladies I know, but man it feels good that I have the confidence to say "No, Mom, I'm not going to tell you."

She tried hard, but the point of the post was to just say this: The Prez and I do NOT feel called to adopt a healthy child.


I said it.


I truly believe that.

But God calls us all individually. And He has called us to this: special needs adoption.

And it seems like He has called us specifically to adopt children with heart disease and more than that, children who are "hard to place."

Oh, I REALLY DON'T LIKE that term.

But it is out there. And unfortunately, it is true.

All 3 of our children who were adopted WERE hard to place. Man, that hurts my heart. BREAKS it nearly.

Our first child by adoption: Li'l Miss was only 2 1/2 when her file was put on the shared list, BUT she had unrepaired heart disease (4 listed defects including transposition of the great vessels) and unrepaired cleft lip and palate. Many people are just not open to taking that step, to adopting a child with all of those needs, especially together, and especially complex heart needs.

I have said this before but the #1 question I get asked by far when counseling people considering adopting a heart child is this: "What about life expectancy? Will her life be shortened?"

Well, I don't know. Do any of us? I do know that she had a fontan operation and that this is cutting-edge in the scheme of heart repairs and no one knows, but Li'l Miss had a heart working over-time for far too long, and damage was done. But when I watch her living life TO THE FULLEST not just every day, but every moment of the day, I wonder if those same people could see what I see ... would they even ask the question?

And then our Li'l Dude. Well, he was 4 AND A BOY. Two strikes there. Most PAPs don't want a son (1 out of 8 adoptive families will CHOOSE a boy; the other 7 choose a girl no matter if there are any children yet or not) and if they do, why would they choose an older one when so many little babies are waiting with no one waiting on them? And did I mention Li'l Dude was born with tetralogy of fallot and cleft lip and palate? And he has some other defects, namely hearing loss in one ear and will be wearing a BAHA soon on that ear.

And Larry. Well he was 9 years old sitting there on our agency's individual list. I remember skipping by his picture and bio myself. I mean, really, a 9-year-old boy? I don't think so. But if you could see this child and his loving ways, and his HUGE heart and his smile and his curiosity and trust? He is just precious, and his heart is special too! At the time we submitted LOI, he had a very MINOR yet unrepaired heart defect. Turns out, he got really sick and had open-heart surgery in China. Oh that really was not what we signed up for, but we signed up for HIM. And we are so glad he is home with us.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I see so much chatter about how tired of waiting families are month after month, how "small" this shared list release was, even our agency {whom I love} has jumped on the bandwagon of branding that quite frankly leaves me a bit fumed.

Is God really calling the majority of families to special needs adoption, and then calling them to adopt ONLY the children who everyone else wants to adopt? Would He really do that?

I am just asking the question. Believe me, it has been rolling around in my head for MONTHS. And I do mean rolling like a bag of rocks or something. It really keeps me awake. Where are His people and why don't they want the ones no one wants. I know people are not going to understand if the Prez and I willingly go to China to bring home another sick child. If we do, we will do it because we know and have peace that God has called us to that child.

Many, even believers, question us on that--why would we do that, why would He ask that of us again?

BUT WHY WOULDN'T HE??? And why wouldn't we???

Didn't Jesus go to seek the sickest among the crowds? Didn't He seek out those who needed help the most? Didn't He go to the ones everyone else had turned away from?

Does anyone else want to join me in praying more believers who are called to special needs adoption will step out and consider the children who are not sought? The children whose futures may be very uncertain? The children who are passed over month after month? The children who are labeled with diagnosis that make us uncomfortable?

Is it possible that is right where God wants us? Uncomfortable?

I know this post is out there, but I just can't contain it anymore. I wish the Prez and I could adopt more than one again. But we can't for many reasons, but there are SO MANY waiting who seem to be forgotten. Or too hard. Or too risky.



  1. My problem is that there are TOO many to pick from. And right now my short list has about 10 names on it! We unfortunately have to pick one first then submit a LOI to see if we will once again qualify or not. I wish God would put a star beside the one He picked for us...then we would get going...now I feel so inadequate to choose.

  2. Morning friend - wow - I remember your first adoption...guess I've been here a minute right along with you - very cool!

    And everything you said was very right - but you bullseyed it a couple times...

    "Why not me?" yeah - why not?

    hugs - aus and co.

  3. This post was great! When we started our adoption, I said that there was no way I was going to try to adopt a child that "100 other people were trying to adopt!" We have a son from China with club feet; he is four and we are still struggling to correct his feet (and hip defect that was found later.) We desperately want to go back again, and this time, I won't be saying "boy or girl," I'll be requesting a boy. Nobody wants boys? Well, I do!