This summer will mark the 5th and 4th anniversaries of our girls adoptions and, as of this writing, I've never spent one single night away from them.
Okay, that's not entirely true. I did spend the night at the hospital with Maddy when she had her surgery and Gwen stayed home with Daddy. It wasn't a good night for her and it ended with lots of crying and vomit. Naturally, Daddy's not in a hurry to repeat the experience so it looks like I'll never be able to spend a night away. I'm not complaining about missing "Mom's Night Out" with my girlfriends. I'm just sorry to miss friends weddings and funerals and other big life events. If money and time weren't a factor, I could take the whole family to these things but obviously money and time are factors.
I guess my question is: How can they ever learn that "Mommy always comes back" if Mommy never leaves?
Donna
Double Happiness
Ahh, the age old question of motherhood.
ReplyDeleteI have 3 bio sons ... and I so rarely am seen without them all or nearly all in tow that it's really something people notice when it's just ME. It's not that they can't handle a sitter or hanging with dad (although our first 2 boys did throw a fit when they were 2 and under to stay with a sitter.) But we don't have family nearby and don't make the opportunity to go out on our own often enough. Dad works all day and once home wants to be home. I think there is much merit to a little time away so children see that they are separate from their parents ... and also that they understand that having a sitter can be a special time for them and a celebration (however small) when mom returns. (happy and refreshed.) I don't live this however ... just speculate it would be nice. I have heard that around age 7 children are not so bound at the hip. (And that's when you're glad you were so glued together for all that time.) :-)
Stay strong momma!
We did it little by little. Some kids are just more clingy than others. I would just leave and tell them I would be back to kiss them in their beds. After a few times of going, they go used to me coming back. I would try going for just short periods and see how it goes. Trust sometimes has to develop in small doses. good luck!
ReplyDeleteWe struggle with that too. About a year after my daughter came home I tried to have a girls night and left her with my husband for the evening. It didn't go well. We waited another whole year and tried again but this time we made a big fuss about the big camping adventure she was going to have with her Daddy in her Nana and Pop's living room. We had much better results.
ReplyDeleteI am a very 'hands on' mom, myself... I don't think anything is wrong with that, especially considering the tumultuous start our little ones got :)
ReplyDeleteEventually, they won't worry about mommy leaving because they will be so secure in knowing mommy is always around!
After being home almost 18 months, Li'l Empress does fine with Mommy and/or Daddy coming and going now, especially if it means that Shaggy and/or Dr. D is home with her. She feels completely safe and secure in our home, under either brother's care.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, we have yet to be able to be both gone (like out together on a date) during a time when she must be put down for either a nap or bedtime. She is REALLY attached to (mostly) me during the bedtime ritual and we have decided that we're going to just be okay with that. We know it won't last forever, we know she'll out grow it, and in the mean time, we have to just adjust our times out together as a couple accordingly. To us, it seems a small price to pay in consideration of this one lingering area of struggling with security. It's not the most convenient thing and I think our family & friends are starting to wonder how long it will last. But I find I care less about going out now - we just don't need to be out that way as much as she apparently still needs us at that time.